Blonde Who Left Work Early
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.   Each
day, they noticed the boss left work early.  One day, the girls decided
that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind  her.

The brunette was thrilled to be home early.  She did a little gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa
before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when
she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and
quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in
bed with her boss!  Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to
leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with
them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed.  "I almost got caught yesterday!!"
By Maria M.

Dumb Male Blonde Joke
Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking
and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last
week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth
of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have
a fridge big enough to keep it in!"
The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but
says his wife is thicker." Just last week, she went out
and spent $17000 on a new car" he laments, "and she
doesn't even know how to drive!"
The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that
these two women sound like they both walked through
the stupid forest and got hit by every
branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber." I
have to laugh every time I think about it," he
chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece.
I watched her packing her bags and she must
have taken at least 5 boxes of condoms with her.
She doesn't even have a penis!"
By Dimitri S

Blonde Handyman
Two blondes are hanging siding on a house, one is on the ground cutting the
pieces and handing them up to the other who nails them in.

The blonde on the ladder throws every second or third nail away, which falls
and hits the blonde on the ground on the head.

The blond on the ground asks  the top blonde "why are you throwing those nails
away?"

She explains that the tossed nails are defective.

"What do you mean they are defective?" The blonde explains that when she takes
them out of the pouch if the are pointed towards the house she pounds them
in, If they point away from the house they must be defective.

The blonde on the ground shouts "You idiot, They are not defective, They are
for the other side of the house.
By Tward323

Trivial Pursuit
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?
By Dinkblnd
A Blonde Cowboy
A sheriff in a small town sees a tall attractive "Blonde" cowboy walking down
the side walk wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. Naturally
the sheriff arrested him and put him in jail charging Indecent Exposure.

As the sheriff is about to leave the jail, he turns and asks the Blonde
Cowboy. Why in the world were you walking around in town like that?

The cowboy says. Well, I was in this bar. And this really good looking lady
came up to me, took me by the arm and took me out to her motor home. She took
off her top and asked me to take off mine. So I did. She took off her bottom
and asked me to take off mine. So I did. She took off her panties and asked
me to take off my shorts. So I did. She got on the bed and said OK cowboy now
"go to town." So I did!
By Redstephsmith

S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the
elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by
saying
"T-G-I-F".

He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T".

She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He
acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T.

The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a
quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".

The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,
"T-G-I-F", T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"

The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".
By Scot Hoyt

Some Blonde Jokes
A blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was
wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about
the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and
suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette:  Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde:    That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette:  My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde:  ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

A blonde goes into a bar.  The bartender asks her what she would
like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"
By DuncanJoe

Sneezing
A man got on a plane and sat next to a blonde,
after sitting for awhile she sneezed, took out a tissue and whipped her box.
The man not knowing her said nothing and went about his business.
After about 3 or 4 minutes she sneezed again and , the same thing,  whipped her box!
Finally,the man got the nerve and asked " what was wrong?" 
She said that ever time she sneezes she has an orgasm!
Oh! The man said, are you taking anything for it?

Yes,she said ---- black pepper!!!!
By Nancy Lear

Vending Machine
Once a man  walked naked in a bathroom holding 2 bars of soap.
When three blondes walked in,  he got so afraid and hid behind a vending machine.
The first blonde says, " lets see what they have in the vending machine," so she pulls the lever.
The man gets afraid and drops one bar of soap.
The blonde says hay I got a bar of soap.
The second blonde also gets a bar by pulling the lever.
Now  the third blonde she pulls the lever but she doesn't get anything.
She starts to cry and the other two blondes start to walk away,
the blonde starts pulling the lever again and again in frustration,
suddenly she stops crying and runs up to her friends and says,
"hay look I got some lotion."
By Criswcw9

The Tracks
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. 
The first blonde said "those are deer tracks." 
The second  blonde said "No, those are elk tracks." 
The third blonde said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." 
The Blondes were still arguing when the
train hit them.
By Taz

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Blonde And The Doctor
A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body
with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my
arm hurts, my back hurts, and even my head hurts!"  The doctor asks,
"Were you ever a blonde?" "Yes, I was." she replies. "Why do you ask?"
The doctor answers,
"because your finger is broken!"
By Taz

Train Ride
The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into
the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked
and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," she replied.  "I'm nauseous from sitting backward
on the train."

"Poor dear," he said.  "Why didn't you ask the person sitting
across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."
By newboy

Blondes On A Bus
Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides
on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a
great time when one of them realizes she doesn't
hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.

When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them.

The brunette says, "What is going on up here? We're having a great time
downstairs      
One of the blondes says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
By Irene

Passport Office
A not so bright blonde woman had always wanted to travel abroad. She
had saved her money for several years, and finally had enough for her
dream vacation. Until now, she'd never even been out of the country,
so naturally she needed a passport. She went to the Passport Office
and asked what she needed to do to get a passport.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk.
"Raise your right hand, please."
The blonde raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against
all its enemies, domestic or foreign?"
The Blonde's face turned pale and her voice trembled as she asked in
a small voice, "Uhhh, all by myself?"
By NetDummy

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Dandruff
There was a blonde and a brunette in a elevator,
on the next floor up a cute guy walked in.
The brunette said to the blonde,  isn' t he cute?
The blonde said yes, but he has dandruff.
Then the brunette said "I think he needs head and shoulders".
And the blonde replied
"I know how to give head,  but how do you give shoulders?".
By SWYMELAR

Carwash
At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes later,
she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
By Nick21

Crying Blonde
A neighbor notices that the blonde living across her house was crying, so,
she goes over  and asked her what had happened? 
and the blonde said that her mother had passed away.
The neighbor made her some coffee and settled her down a little and then left.
The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.
She asked her why she was crying again.
The blonde replied said,

"I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!
By Kick

4-Sided Building
Q: There's a 4-sided building.
On one side is a smart blonde; on one side is Bill Gates;
on one side is the Easter Bunny; and on one side is the Boogieman.
There is a maze to get in the middle, where there is a  lot of money.
Who will get to the middle first?

A: Bill Gates. The rest don't exist!
By Farin Girls

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Where Babies Come From?
A blonde teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me ..... babies come out of the same
place
where boys put their thingies?

"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had
finally come up, and she wouldn't have to explain it in detail to her
daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," responded the blonde teenager,
"won't it knock my teeth out?"
By Katerina

Big Woman
A blonde man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co-workers saw
him they asked him what happened. He told them it had happened at church. They
insisted that you couldn't get a black eye at church, and wanted to know what
really happened.

So, he told them, "I went to the church, I got on my knees and prayed, I stood
up to sing the hymns, and there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever
seen. When she stood up, her dress got stuck in her butt-crack, so being the
gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her and she did not like
that so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day.

The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad! Again the guys
asked him what had happened and he told them he'd got beaten up at church. Again
they didn't believe him, so he explained, "I went to the church, I got on my
knees and prayed, I stood up to sing the hymns, and there in front of me was
that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack."

At this point the other men interrupted and said, "Please tell us you didn't
pull her dress out of there again?"

"No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like that - so I
shoved it back in."
By Steve

Seminar
Rich had just returned from a week long seminar.

His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if he were sick as he
looked absolutely terrible.

"Well..." said Rich, "I met this blonde and turned out she was an
salesrep-in-training and wanted me to tutor her.
One thing lead to another and
we ended up back in her room having wild gorilla sex all night."

"OK," replied the boss, "that may explain your fatigue, but why are your eyes so
red?"

"Well..." said Rich, "turns out she was married and had a baby at home. She
started crying with remorse, and I started thinking about my own wife and kids,
so I cried too."

"I see," chided the boss. "But that seminar ended Friday. How come you still
appear so ragged?"

"Well..." said Rich, "you can't sit there and cry 4-5 times a day for four days
and not look like this."
By S.C

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THERMOS
A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go
out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she
grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She
held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over
to take her order.

She asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" The
coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds,
then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular,
two black, and two decaf."
By Comix

Drunk Blonde
A blonde woman gets pulled over for speeding
The cop asks for her license
He then asks, "Lady, have you been drinking?"
She says, "Yeah, so what?"
The cop starts taking off his pants...
and she says, "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test......."
By S.C

Indecent Exposure
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says,
"OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
By Sopho

Golf Buddies
Two Blonde guys were playing golf when the first one said, "I really need to take a
crap..."

The second blonde replied, "Well there's a tree, go behind it and do your stuff."

The first guy looks over at the tree and comments, "But, I don't have any toilet
paper."

Being a witty fellow, the second blonde guy remarks, "You have a dollar don't you? Just
use it to wipe yourself." Reluctantly, the first blonde guy goes and does his stuff.

Minutes later he comes back with crap all over him. The second blonde asks, "Damn, what
happened? Didn't you use the dollar?"

"Hell yes, but have you ever tried to wipe with three quarters, two dimes, and a
nickel?"
By Steve C

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A BLONDE WENT INTO
a world wide message center to send a message to her Mom overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed
"I don't have that kind of money!!
But I would do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland." The man arched his eyebrow.
ANYTHING?"
" YES, ANYTHING" The blonde promised.
With that the man said, " Follow me." HE walked into the room and ordered,
" Come in and close the door" She did.
He then said "Get on your knees" she did.
Then he said, " Take down my zipper" She did.
He said, " Go ahead take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands.
The man whispered,
" Well go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her mouth she said loudly

"HELLO.....MOM?"
By Pontiac moma

Coke Machine
A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke.
The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly
and of course the machine keeps dishing out drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics
for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
By Kick

Diet
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day,
and repeat this procedure for two weeks.
The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."
By Myria

PHONE COMPANY
A phone company put an ad in the paper in order to recruit workers. The next
day, two groups of workers show up - a crew of five men and a crew of five
blonde women.

The company can not decide who to give the job to, so they give the two groups a
test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that must
be installed into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first will get the
job."

Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the Company trucks
with the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and
finally, at 5:00, the male crew returns. "Yes!" they shout. "We came back first,
so we get the job!!"

"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew
comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of
traffic or the truck breaking down."

"Fine, no problem," say the men. An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours.
Finally, at 8:30, the Blonde crew arrives. All the group is flushed and
breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.

"What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.

"What do you mean, 'what took so long'?? Do we get the job?"

"YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"

"Well, of course they were," say the blondes. "They only put the pole in
halfway!!"
By Steve


A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said
"DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !"
and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
By Kick

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PRE-NATAL
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal