Blonde Jokes
Parking
Norman and his blonde wife live in Fargo.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the
announcer say,
"We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street,
so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and
moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer
says,
"We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street,
so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and
moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio
announcer says
"We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must
park.....",
then the electricity goes out. Norman's wife says,
"Honey, I don't know what to do."
Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this
time?"
By Sandy L.
Skating Rink
Two blondes walked into a skating rink.
After putting their skates on they skated around once and thought
something was wrong with their skates. They went to the front and
told the manager something was wrong with their skates. The manager
said,
"What's wrong with them?"
The blondes replied, "My wheels are rolling."
By Tommy Norton
Blonde Who Left Work Early
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same
female boss. Each
day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls
decided
that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the
spa
before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but
when
she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and
quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her
husband in
bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out
of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead
planned to
leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go
with
them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got
caught yesterday!!"
By Maria M.
Dumb Male Blonde Joke
Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking
and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last
week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth
of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have
a fridge big enough to keep it in!"
The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but
says his wife is thicker." Just last week, she went out
and spent $17000 on a new car" he laments, "and she
doesn't even know how to drive!"
The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that
these two women sound like they both walked through
the stupid forest and got hit by every
branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber." I
have to laugh every time I think about it," he
chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece.
I watched her packing her bags and she must
have taken at least 5 boxes of condoms with her.
She doesn't even have a penis!"
By Dimitri S
Blonde Handyman
Two blondes are hanging siding on a house, one is on the ground
cutting the
pieces and handing them up to the other who nails them in.
The blonde on the ladder throws every second or third nail away,
which falls
and hits the blonde on the ground on the head.
The blond on the ground asks the top blonde "why are you
throwing those nails
away?"
She explains that the tossed nails are defective.
"What do you mean they are defective?" The blonde explains
that when she takes
them out of the pouch if the are pointed towards the house she
pounds them
in, If they point away from the house they must be defective.
The blonde on the ground shouts "You idiot, They are not
defective, They are
for the other side of the house.
By Tward323
Trivial Pursuit
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?
By Dinkblnd
A Blonde Cowboy
A sheriff in a small town sees a tall attractive
"Blonde" cowboy walking down
the side walk wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and cowboy boots.
Naturally
the sheriff arrested him and put him in jail charging Indecent
Exposure.
As the sheriff is about to leave the jail, he turns and asks the
Blonde
Cowboy. Why in the world were you walking around in town like that?
The cowboy says. Well, I was in this bar. And this really good
looking lady
came up to me, took me by the arm and took me out to her motor home.
She took
off her top and asked me to take off mine. So I did. She took off
her bottom
and asked me to take off mine. So I did. She took off her panties
and asked
me to take off my shorts. So I did. She got on the bed and said OK
cowboy now
"go to town." So I did!
By Redstephsmith
S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the
elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by
saying
"T-G-I-F".
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T".
She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He
acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T.
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another
time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a
quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,
"T-G-I-F", T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"
The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".
By Scot Hoyt
Some Blonde Jokes
A blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother
asked what was
wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about
the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck
and
suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a
hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her
what she would
like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"
By DuncanJoe
Sneezing
A man got on a plane and sat next to a blonde,
after sitting for awhile she sneezed, took out a tissue and whipped
her box.
The man not knowing her said nothing and went about his business.
After about 3 or 4 minutes she sneezed again and , the same thing,
whipped her box!
Finally,the man got the nerve and asked " what was wrong?"
She said that ever time she sneezes she has an orgasm!
Oh! The man said, are you taking anything for it?
Yes,she said ----
black pepper!!!!
By Nancy Lear
Vending Machine
Once a man walked naked in a bathroom holding 2 bars of soap.
When three blondes walked in, he got so afraid and hid behind
a vending machine.
The first blonde says, " lets see what they have in the vending
machine," so she pulls the lever.
The man gets afraid and drops one bar of soap.
The blonde says hay I got a bar of soap.
The second blonde also gets a bar by pulling the lever.
Now the third blonde she pulls the lever but she doesn't get
anything.
She starts to cry and the other two blondes start to walk away,
the blonde starts pulling the lever again and again in frustration,
suddenly she stops crying and runs up to her friends and says,
"hay look I got some lotion."
By Criswcw9
The Tracks
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a
set of tracks.
The first blonde said "those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said "You're both wrong, those are moose
tracks."
The Blondes were still arguing when the
train hit them.
By Taz
Blonde And The Doctor
A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her
body
with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg
hurts, my
arm hurts, my back hurts, and even my head hurts!" The
doctor asks,
"Were you ever a blonde?" "Yes, I was." she
replies. "Why do you ask?"
The doctor answers,
"because your finger is broken!"
By Taz
Train Ride
The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into
the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked
and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"
"Not really," she replied. "I'm nauseous from
sitting backward
on the train."
"Poor dear," he said. "Why didn't you ask the
person sitting
across from you to switch seats for a while?"
"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one
there."
By newboy
Blondes On A Bus
Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all
brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic
City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde
team rides
on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a
great time when one of them realizes she doesn't
hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and
investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen
in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front
of them.
The brunette says, "What is going on up here? We're having a
great time
downstairs
One of the blondes says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
By Irene
Passport Office
A not so bright blonde woman had always wanted to travel abroad. She
had saved her money for several years, and finally had enough for
her
dream vacation. Until now, she'd never even been out of the country,
so naturally she needed a passport. She went to the Passport Office
and asked what she needed to do to get a passport.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the
passport clerk.
"Raise your right hand, please."
The blonde raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States
against
all its enemies, domestic or foreign?"
The Blonde's face turned pale and her voice trembled as she asked in
a small voice, "Uhhh, all by myself?"
By NetDummy
Dandruff
There was a blonde and a brunette in a elevator,
on the next floor up a cute guy walked in.
The brunette said to the blonde, isn' t he cute?
The blonde said yes, but he has dandruff.
Then the brunette said "I think he needs head and
shoulders".
And the blonde replied
"I know how to give head, but how do you give
shoulders?".
By SWYMELAR
Carwash
At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes later,
she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car
phone!"
By Nick21
Crying Blonde
A neighbor notices that the blonde living
across her house was crying, so,
she goes over and asked her what had happened?
and the blonde said that her mother had passed away.
The neighbor made her some coffee and settled her down a little and
then left.
The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the
blonde crying again.
She asked her why she was crying again.
The blonde replied said,
"I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died
too!
By Kick
4-Sided Building
Q: There's a 4-sided building.
On one side is a smart blonde; on one side is Bill Gates;
on one side is the Easter Bunny; and on one side is the Boogieman.
There is a maze to get in the middle, where there is a lot of
money.
Who will get to the middle first?
A: Bill Gates. The rest don't exist!
By Farin Girls
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