Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.
Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common?
A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have
asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog!
Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Mever bin laid on
Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis
Q.When do you kick a dwarf in the balls?
A.When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice
Q:Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A:Because he was looking for Pooh
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A: Ate something
If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
Three feet of my cock up your ass.
Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?
A: A virgin.
Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch.
Q: What do you call ball's on your chin?
A: A dick in your mouth!
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Q; Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters.
What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off
Q:Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
A:The grass tickles their balls
Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
A: Her navel.
Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens!
Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck ?
A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them
Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What do u call a bunny with a bent dick?
A: FUCKS FUNNY
Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.
Q: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
Q: What’s 6 inches long and starts with a p?
A: ........... a shit (think about it)
Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Q: What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
A: They both only change their pads after every third period!
Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.
Q: Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower?
A: Slick her hair back she looks 15..
Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
A: The back of my hand.
Q: What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
A: The PGA tour.
Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Q: How man Sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, One to screw it in, and one to take a picture.
Q: How do you kill a retard?
A: Give him a knife and say "Who's special?"
Q: What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.
Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral?
A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
Q: How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.
Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100?
A: Pull some strings.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's?
A: Because he has holes in his hands.
Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?
A: Because they can't stand up for themselves
Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done...
Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side?
A: You would be all right.
Q: What is Superman's greatest weakness?
A: A bucking horse.
Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?
A: He got the gas bill.
Q: What is a crack head's favorite song?
A: I wanna rock!
Q: How do you get retards out of a tree?
A: Wave to them!
Q: What do you call a gangbanger behind bars?
A: Anything you want.
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
Q: What's sicker than a pile of dead babies?
A: The one alive in the middle chewing it's way out.
Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.
Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.
Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road?
A: Forget about it.
Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times?
A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
Q: After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
A: She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice."
Q: What’s black, white, and red all over and doesn’t fit through a revolving door?
A: A nun with a spear through her head.
Q: Why are pubic Hairs so curly?
A: So they don’t poke her eye out.
Q. What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?
A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks.
Q: Whats long hard and full of seamen?
A: A submarine
Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?
A: A Crane!
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.
Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives
A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking.
Q: What's the difference between onions and prostitutes?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...
Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey?
A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!
Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
A: Because they have cotton balls.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: Why do black people not like to go on cruises?
A: They already fell for that trick once.
Q: What's the job application to Hooters?
A: They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out.
Q: Whats the hardest part of rollerblading?
A: Telling your parents that you are gay.
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of their dogs!
Q: What does D.A.M stand for?
A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.
Q: What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits?
A: Puppets.
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
A: It depends on how hard you throw them.
Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
Q: Why do they call it the wonder bra?
A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Q: What's sicker than having sex with a pregnant woman?
A: Having sex with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby.
Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn't masturbate?
A: A liar.
Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
A: You can drop them off anywhere.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: "I'll see you next month."
Q: What's even better than winning the Special Olympics
A: Not being a retard.
Q: What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?
A: Gang rape.
Q: What do you call a school bus full of white people?
A: Twinkie.
Q: What did one tampon say to the other?
A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
Q: What do you call a retard in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.
Q: Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine?
A: Line dancing at a nusing home.
Q: What is the square root of 69?
A: Ate something
Q: But do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Q: What does a rubix cube and a Penis have in common?
A: The more you play with it the harder it gets.
Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frogs finger
Q: How do you know if your boyfriend has a high sperm count?
A: You have to chew before you swallow!
Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
Q: Did you hear about the Waffle House waitress they found murdered behind the restaurant dumpster?
A: She was scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, topped, and diced.
Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
A recent survey shows that sperm banks beat blood banks in contributions...HANDS DOWN!
If you force sex on a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting? you choose.
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
Q: What is Moby Dick's dad's name?
A: Papa Boner
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