Short Blonde Jokes
Q: Why
did the blonde go around the block eight times?
A: Because her signal light got stuck.
Q: How
can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful?
A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for
penicillin.
By
Tony Tee
Q: Why did the blonde jump off
the cliff?
A: She thought her maxi pad had wings
Q: Why did god give blonde's 2 more brain cells than he gave cows?
A: So they wouldn't shit all over when you played with their
tits.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering????
A: More head room
Q: What do you call a skeleton in a closet with
blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and seek winner!
Q: What is the difference between a 747jambo jet and a blonde?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
What My Blonde Friend Did
She called me to get my phone number.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her
mind.
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and
"DON'T WALK."
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She tried to drown a fish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
Under "education" on her job application, she put
"Hooked On Phonics."
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"
she put "Sagittarius."
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went
home and got 16 friends.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she
moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
By Scot21
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BLONDE SHORTS
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Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last year's hide-and-go-seek winner.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
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Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned in Spring training.
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of
the YMCA?
A: "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong!"
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
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Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.
Q:Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: Why can't Blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to
death in
their car at a drive-in movie
theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the
typewriters.
By Taz
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Blonde's Revenge
WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR?
It matches their mustache.
WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE?
No one else wants it!
WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY?
The invitation.
WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS?
So brunettes can remember them.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES?
Invisible.
WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL?
"Has the blonde left yet?'
WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.
WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY?
The invitation.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE?
A hostage.
WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES?
Fisher-Price.
By Newboy
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Q: Why did the blonde's tits appear rectangular?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
By NYADREAMSZ
Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS?
A: When they aren't upright, they're grand.
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: WHY DON`T BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX?
A: They don`t like their brains being screwed with.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How do you know a blonde likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
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Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: Come.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED?
A: Who cares?
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her
window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle
row.
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: Her crayons are still sticky.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI?
A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
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Q: What is 61 to a blonde?
A: She wants 8 (ate) more.
By CissAfrwdSt82
Q: What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A: If either one of them end up on there back they are both f*cked.
By Navyman
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a
magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
By Steve
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
By Nick21
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH PIGTAILS?
A: A BLOW JOB WITH HANDLEBARS
By Megan
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Top Ten Blonde Inventions
1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9)Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag
By Stantoon
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Q. Why did the blonde shoot the clock?
A. To Kill time
By Lee
A Blonde told her girlfriend,
"I was so worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.
And I was so relieved when he told me that all I needed was blinker
fluid!"
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you keep a BLONDE busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How did the BLONDE die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: How do you get a BLONDE to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
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Q: What a BLONDE will ask the doctor, in the
maternity ward?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: Come.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her
window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle
row.
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How do you know a blond likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: Her crayons are still sticky.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't
follow you around for a week.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
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Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
recent car crash) and
a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
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Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
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Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
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Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
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Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
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Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
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Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
thoughts?
A: Change.
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Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
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Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
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Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
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Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
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Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
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Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half
with yeast infections?
A: A whine and cheese party!
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Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde
standing on a street corner?
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
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Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
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Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
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Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
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Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
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Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
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Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
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Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
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Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
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Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.
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Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
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Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
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Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than
horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during
parades.
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Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
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Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
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Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.
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Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
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Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
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Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
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Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
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Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
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Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
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Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
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Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
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Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
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Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
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Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
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Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
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Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
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Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a
skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
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Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a
magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
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Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
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Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
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Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks
whining.
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Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
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Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
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Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
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Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
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Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during
parades.
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Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
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Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
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Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.
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Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
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Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
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Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
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Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
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Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
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Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
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Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
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Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
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Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.
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Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
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Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
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Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
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Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
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Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a
skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
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Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a
magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
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Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
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Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
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Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
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Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
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Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
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Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
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Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
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Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still
stuck.
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Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!
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