Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
A: Because pot holder was taken
Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
A: Wave.
Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana ?
A: A pot belly
Q: What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs?
A: Double jointed.
Q: How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?
A: When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.
Q: How do you know your a pothead?
A: You studied five days for a urine test?
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
Q: What's the point of a weed wacker?
A: Weed wackers need to wack it too!
Q: How do fish party ?
A: Seaweed.
Q: Why did the pot head plant cheerios?
A: He thought they were donut seeds.
Q: What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?
A: A Liar.
Q: What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A: Malnutrition.
Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A: A pot hole!
Q: How do you know you are a true stoner?
A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!
Q: What is Reality?
A: An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk guy and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
A stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick my house is on fire!"
The Fireman asked "How do we get there?"
The stoner says "DUH, in a big red truck!"
Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: Screw it, we got lighters
Q. How long does it take before a pound of bud goes bad?
A. I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
Q: How do you hide pot from a hippie?
A: Put it in his work boots.
Q: What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
A: Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. What's the difference between a stoner and a tweeker?
A. When a pothead is driving down a road he is driving about 20 mph and eating the upholstery. When a tweeker is driving down a road he is driving about 200 mph, and talking to the upholstery.
Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A. The cop!
Q. Why did the stoner cross the street?
A. His dealer lived on the other side.
Q: What do a bad football team and a pothead have in common?
A: They both get blitzed!
Q: How do you hide money from a hippie?
A: Put it under the soap.
Q: How many Stoners does it take to change a light bulb
A: Who cares man, its to bright in here anyway!
Q: How did the pothead burn his ear?
A: He answered the phone while ironing his clothes
Q. How do you get an one-armed hippie out of a tree?
A: Hold out a joint!
Stoner Songs
Weed is good, weed is fine,
If you share your weed, ill share mine..
I smoke weed every day and night
I've smoked so much that i cant see light
I can not see, I can not smell ...shit
I'm in tha beggining of a fucked up hell!
If u think hell is worse then life
Then if I was you I would pick up tha knife
Stab thyself prepare to cry
But tha key objective is:not to die!
I failed that objective
So im going to die
This is tha end of my rhyme
So i gotta say bye!!
Smoking Weed Is Fun To Do
I Bet One Day You’Ll Do It Too
A Bong A Blunt Maybe Even A Joint
They All Get You High, Get My Point
So With One Single Puff, As You Take It All In
This Is Where The Fun Begins
I May Be As High,As High As The Sun
But Who Gives A Fuck Its Not Hurtting No One
Some Say Its Bad, Like All Other Drugs
But You’Ll Say Fuck It Once You Look At These Buds
With These Few Last Words I Tell You My Friend
Light That Blunt Up And Let The Fun Begin
I woz here, but now I'm not,
I'm round da corner smokin' pot!
I've wrote this message 2 prove a point,
Life is shit without a joint!
Stoners live and stoners die,
But in the end we all get high,
So, if at first you don't suceed,
Fuck this world and smoke some weed.
Stoner Prayer
Now I pass out into sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
Grant no other stoner take
My weed and bong before I wake
Keep me safely in thy sight
And grant no crackhead’s thrill tonight
And in the morning let me awake
Breathing scents of wake ’n bake
God protect me in my dreams
and make this better than it seems
Grant the time may siwftly fly
When myself shall be so high
In a green grass weed bed
Where I long to rest my head
Far away from all these scenes
And the smell of bammer smoked by beans
Take me back into the land
Where the cops never take you out
Where the weed won’t burn my throat like sand;
Where the scent of chronis blows
Where the good Mary Jane grows;
Take me back and I’ll promise then
Never to leave BC again
Heroin Jokes
Cocaine Jokes
Ecstasy Jokes
Crystal Meth Jokes
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