Football Jokes

Q: Did you here about the Packer fan that died at a pie eating contest?
A: The cow kicked him in the head!

Q: What do you call a 350 pound Packer fan?
A: An anorexic!

Q: Did you guys hear about the NFL player who hits women?
A: No the other one. No the other one.

Q: Why can't Matt Forte get into his own driveway?
A: Someone painted an endzone on it.

Q: How does a Packer fan find a sheep in the vast rolling hills of Wisconsin?
A: Satisfying!

Q: What do you call a Packer fan with a sheep under his arm?
A: A pimp.

Q: What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the St Louis Rams and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

When Deon Sanders asked Papa John how many toppings he could have, Papa John said "You can pick six."

Q: What is the difference between a New England Patriots fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Dallas Cowboys.

Q: Why was the pig ejected from the football game?
A: For playing dirty.

Q: What do you call a box that plays football?

Q: Which are the best animals at football?
A: A score-pion.

Q: What do the Arizona Cardinals and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an St Louis Rams out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a New England Patriots fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat the Giants."

Q: Why is the football stadium hot after the game?
A: Because all the fans have left.

Q: Did you hear about the punter player who lived passed a 100?
A: He's still alive and kicking.

Q: Where do football players go shopping in the offseason?
A: The tackle shop.

Q: How do you stop a Atlanta Falcons fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in a Saints Jersey!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Jacksonville Jaguars fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Cowboys wide receiver, a Cowboys linebacker, and a Dallas Cowboys defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate a Tennessee Titans fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Why did the football say owwwwww?
A: Because the man kicked him

Q: Why is a referee like an angry chicken?
A: They both have foul mouths.

Q: Why can't you play football in the jungle?
A: Because there are too many cheetahs.

Q: What should you do if you find three Detroit Lions football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: Why did the offensive lineman with a concussion go to the bank?
A: To get his quarterback!

Q: What does a football player do when he loses his eyesight?
A: Become a referee.

Q: What's the difference between an New England Patriots fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: What do you call a monkey that wins the Super Bowl?
A: A chimpion.

Q. How did the Green Bay Packers fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Carolina Panthers fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call a Jacksonville Jaguar in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Detroit Lions football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many San Francisco 49ers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does an Oakland Raiders fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Kansas City Chiefs fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Baltimore Ravens spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Baltimore?
A: A huddle

Q: How do you keep an Atlanta Falcons fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans Black & Gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q: Why do the Cleveland Browns want to change their name to the Cleveland Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?
A: Soldier Field they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Ford Field upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Toledo have a professional football team?
A: Because then Cleveland would want one.

College Football games are like boobs. Big or small, they're both great; Except when they're lopsided.

Why did the football coach shake the vending machine?
I don't know?
Because he needed a quarter back.

Ravens Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Steelers fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Steelers fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Steelers fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Steelers fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Ravens fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Ravens fan?'
"Because my mom is a Ravens fan, and my dad is Ravens fan, so I'm a Ravens fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Ravens fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Steelers fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Ravens fan, and a Steelers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Ravens fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Steelers fan off the mountain.

Football Girlfriend
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game.
Afterward he asked her how she liked the game. "I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'"

Football Exam
Two Florida State football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an important exam.
If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week.
The exam was "fill in the blank" and the last question read, "Old MacDonald had a____."
Bubba was stumped -- he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the teacher wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny in the shoulder. "Tiny, what's the answer to the last question?"
Tiny laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed.
He turned to Bubba and said, "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a FARM."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba, "I remember now." he picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank.
Then he stopped. Tapping Tiny on the shoulder, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Bubba. that's so easy," hissed Tiny, "farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O'."

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