Philadelphia Eagles Jokes

Q: Why can't Sam Bradford use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Sam Bradford told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q. How are the Eagles like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: Want to hear a Eagles joke?
A: Ryan Matthews!

Q: Why is Brent Celek like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: What is white, black, and blue?
A: Riley Cooper at a Jay-Z concert.

Q: What's the best part about dating an Eagles fan?
A: She won't be asking for a ring!

Q: How many Eagles fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in Dallas' shadow!

Q: What is Michael Vick's latest excuse?
A: The bitch set me up!

Q: What did the Giants say to the Eagles?
A: Look at my Super bowl Ring

Q: What do the Philadelphia Eagles and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: Whats worse than being a dog in a animal shelter?
A: Being adopted by Michael Vick!

Q: How do you know the Pennsylvania State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Philadelphia.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Eagles tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: What did the Eagles fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q: How many Philadelphia Eagles does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q: What do you call an Philadelphia Eagle with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Philadelphia Eagles and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Philadelphia Eagles fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Philadelphia Eagles does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Philadelphia Eagles.

Q: What do the Philadelphia Eagles and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Philadelphia Eagles out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: What do the Eagles and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: Why are so many Philadelphia Eagles players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Philadelphia Eagles fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New York."

Q: How do you stop an Philadelphia Eagles fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New Orleans Black and Gold!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Philadelphia Eagles fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing an Eagles wide receiver, an Eagles linebacker, and an Eagles defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Philadelphia Eagles fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Philadelphia Eagles football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Philadelphia Eagles fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Philadelphia Eagles fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What do the Eagles and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday night.

Q: What does an Philadelphia Eagles fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Philadelphia's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Philadelphia Eagles fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Philadelphia Eagles fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Philadelphia Eagles fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Eagles spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Eagles fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the Philadelphia Eagles want to change their name to the Atlanta Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Philadelphia Eagles games.

Q: Where do you go in Philadelphia in case of a tornado?
A: Lincoln Financial Field they never get a touchdown there!

Q: Why do NFL teams get excited about playing the Eagles?
A: It's like having an extra bye week.

Q. Why do ducks fly over Lincoln Financial Field upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Harrisburg have a professional football team?
A: Because then Philadelphia would want one.

Q: Why are Philadelphia Eagles jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Eagles fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between Philadelphia Eagles fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Q: Why do all dogs go to Heaven?
A: Because Michael Vick is in Hell!!!!!!!!

Q; Why is Hilary Clinton impressed with Michael Vick?
A: Because he went through more dogs than Bill Clinton!

Q: What do you get when you cross Michael Vick with a dress shoe?
A: Hush Puppies!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde burglar?
A: He broke into the Philadelphia Eagles trophy room.

Q: Who would win in a fight between Michael Vick and a pitbull?
A: The pitbull thats why Michael Vick shoots them!

A: not michael vick!

Q: What do Bob Barker and Michael Vick have in common?
A: They both do their part to control the pet population!

Q: What's the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Can a Philadelphia Eagles player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a Philadelphia Eagles jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

Did you hear that Lincoln Financial Field had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Philadelphia Eagles fans.

Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Philadelphia Eagles fans.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Eagles jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Eagles end zone, they don't catch anything there.

Why did the Philadelphia Eagles fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

The only thing worse than a Philadelphia Eagles fan is a Philadelphia Eagles quarterback.

I put an Eagles logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.

A Philadelphia Eagles fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.

Giants Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dallas Eagles fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Eagles fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Eagles fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Eagles fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Giants fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Giants fan?'
"Because my mom is a Giants fan, and my dad is Giants fan, so I'm a Giants fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Giants fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Eagles fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Bears fan, a Eagles fan, and a Giants fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Eagles fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Giants fan off the mountain.

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