New York Giants Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Eli Manning told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: Why can't Eli Manning use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: Did you hear about the new Plaxico Burress cocktail?
A: Just one very expensive shot

Q: How many Giants fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in the Cowboys shadow!

Q: Why is Tom Coughlin (Giants Head Coach) glad Plaxico shot himself in the leg?
A: It was the first time he shot off something other than his mouth!

Q: Why is a Texas Billionaire buying the New York Giants and moving them to Virginia?
A: So he can call them the VaGiants

Q: What do the New York Giants and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: What will happen if BP can stop the Gulf Oil Spill?
A: They will turn their attention to Lawrence Taylor!

Q: How did Lawrence Taylor meet an underage girl through a mutual acquaintance?
A: Ben Roethlisberger!

Q: What did the Giants fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q. How are the New York Giants like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: Want to hear a Giants joke?
A: Rashad Jennings!

Q: Why is Rashad Jennings like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: What's the difference between the New York Giants and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the New York Giants and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Giants fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many New York Giants does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The New York Giants.

Q: What do the New York Giants and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.

Q: Why did Plaxico Burress shoot himself?
A: It was the first time all year he managed to find his way around a safety and he just got too excited!

Q: Why shouldn't the New York Giants send Plaxico home packing?
A: He already is!

Q: What did Plaxico Burress say when Antonio Pierce asked to go clubbing?
A: "Only if I can ride shotgun!"

Q: What do the New York Giants and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep a New York Giant out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many New York Giants players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a New York Giants fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Philadelphia."

Q: How do you stop an New York Giants fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Philadelphia Green!

Q: What do the Giants and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple New York Giants games.

Q: Did you see the porno with Kiera Knightley?
A: It's called "Bend It Like Odell Beckham"

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an New York Giants fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Giants wide receiver, a Giants linebacker, and a Giants defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an New York Giants fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three New York Giants football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an New York Giants fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the New York Giants fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: Did you hear that New York's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many New York Giants fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a New York Giants fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do New York Giants fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the New York Giants spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Giants fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Philadelphia green and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the New York Giants want to change their name to the Atlanta Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the New York Giants & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in New York in case of a tornado?
A: New Meadowlands Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over New Meadowlands Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Syracuse have a professional football team?
A: Because then New York would want one.

Q: What's the difference between the New York Giants and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Q: Why are New York Giants jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Giants fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between New York Giants fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that MetLife Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

Can a New York Giants player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a New York Giants jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are New York Giants fans.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Giants end zone, they don't catch anything there.

I put a Giants logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Giants jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're New York Giants fans.

Why did the New York Giants fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

A Giants fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.

Giants Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Giants fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Giants fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Giants fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Giants fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Patriots fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Patriots fan?'
"Because my mom is a Patriots fan, and my dad is Patriots fan, so I'm a Patriots fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Patriots fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Giants fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Giants fan, and a Patriots fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Patriots fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Giants fan off the mountain.

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