Washington Redskins Jokes

Q: What's the difference between OJ Simpson and the Redskins?
A: OJ at least had a defense!

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Washington D.C.?
A: A huddle.

Q: What's the difference between the Washington Redskins and Cheerios?
A: Cheerios belongs in a bowl

I put a RGIII bumper sticker on my car and now it won't start.

Q: Why did Robert Griffin cross the road?
A: To get to the hospital on the other side.

Q: Wanna hear a joke?
A: The Washington Redskins!

Q: How many Redskins fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in the Cowboys shadow!

Q: What's the difference between the Redskins and cigarettes?
A: Eli Manning doesn't smoke cigarettes

Q: Whats the difference between a vacuum cleaner and the Washington Redskins?
A: There's only 1 dirtbag in a vacuum cleaner.

Q: What did the Redskins fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q. How are the Redskins like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: What was RGIII's latest injury in a Washington Redskins uniform?
A: A torn labia!

Q: Want to hear a Redskins joke?
A: Matt Jones!

Q: What do the Washington Redskins and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: Why is Alfred Morris like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Cause Albert Haynesworth was trying to eat him!

Q: What's the difference between the Washington Redskins and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Washington Redskins and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Redskins fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Washington Redskins does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Washington Redskins.

Q: What do the Washington Redskins and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Washington Redskins out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Washington Redskins players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Washington Redskins fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New Orleans."

Q: How do you stop an Washington Redskins fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New York Blue!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Washington Redskins fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Redskins wide receiver, a Redskins linebacker, and a Redskins defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Washington Redskins fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Washington Redskins football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a Washington Redskins fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Washington Redskins fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Washington Redskins fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Washington Redskin in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: What do the Redskins and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.

Q: Did you hear that Washingtons's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Washington Redskins fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Washington Redskins fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Washington Redskins fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Redskins spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Washington Redskins games.

Q: How do you keep a Redskins fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the Washington Redskins want to change their name to the Washington Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Washington Redskins & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: What do the Redskins and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: Why do NFL teams get excited about playing the Redskins?
A: It's like having an extra bye week.

Q: Where do you go in Washington D.C. in case of a tornado?
A: Fedex Field - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Fedex Field upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: What's the difference between the Washington Redskins and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Q: Why are Washington Redskins jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Redskins fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between Washington Redskins fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that Fedex Field had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

Can a Washington Redskins player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Redskins fans.

A Redskins fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.

My wife was about to put my son in a Washington Redskins jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Washington Redskins fans.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Redskins end zone, they don't catch anything there.

The only thing worse than a Washington Redskins fan is a Washington Redskins quarterback.

I put a Redskins logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Redskins jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Why did the Washington Redskins fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Washington Redskins, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Cowboys Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Redskins fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Redskins fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Redskins fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Redskins fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Cowboys fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Cowboys fan?'
"Because my mom is a Cowboys fan, and my dad is Cowboys fan, so I'm a Cowboys fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Cowboys fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Redskins fan.'

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