Seattle Seahawks Jokes

Q: Why can't Russell Wilson use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: What are the Seahawk's two most hated shows?
A: The Brady Bunch and Malcolm in the Middle!

Q: Why does President Obama want to send Seahawk QB Russell Wilson to Syria?
A: The CIA are convinced Russell is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.

Q. How are the Seahawks like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: Want to hear a Seahawks joke?
A: Thomas Rawls!

Q: Why is Thomas Rawls like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: How many Seahawks fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in the 49ers shadow!

Q: Have you heard about the Seahawks new running back?
A: His name Rawls off the tongue.

When Richard Sherman asked Papa John how many toppings he could have Papa John said you can pick six.

Q: What is the difference between Russell Wilson and Tom Brady?
A: Russell Wilson got schooled.

Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: What do you call Jimmy Graham when he is next to Luke Wilson?
A: Jimmy Grahamcracker.

Q: What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Seahawks fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Seattle Seahawks does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Seattle Seahawks.

Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Seattle Seahawks out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Seattle Seahawks fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Arizona."

Q: What do the Seahawks and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: How do you stop an Seattle Seahawks fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Arizona Red!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Seattle Seahawks fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: What do the Seahawks and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday night.

Q: If you have a car containing a Seahawks wide receiver, a Seahawks linebacker, and a Seahawks defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Seattle Seahawks fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Dear Richard Sherman, I'm getting all my "ducks" in a row.

Peyton Manning

Q: What should you do if you find three Seattle Seahawks football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Seattle Seahawks fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Seattle Seahawks fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What was Percy Harvin's latest injury in a Seahawks uniform?
A: A torn labia!

Q: What does an Seattle Seahawks fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Seattle Seahawk in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Seattle's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Seattle Seahawks fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Seattle Seahawks fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Seattle Seahawks fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Seattle Seahawks games.

Q: How do the Seahawks spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Seahawks fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Arizona red and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the Seattle Seahawks want to change their name to the Seattle Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Seattle in case of a tornado?
A: Qwest Field - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Qwest Field upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Tacoma have a professional football team?
A: Because then Seattle would want one.

Q: Why are Seattle Seahawks jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Seahawks fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Q: What's the difference between Seattle Seahawks fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Did you hear that CenturyLink Field had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Seattle Seahawks fans.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Seahawks jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Can a Seattle Seahawks player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a Seattle Seahawks jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Seahawks end zone, they don't catch anything there.

I put a Seahawks logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.

A Seahawks fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.

Why did the Seattle Seahawks fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Seahawks fans.

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Seattle Seahawks, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

49ers Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Seahawks fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Seahawks fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a 49ers fan?'
"Because my mom is a 49ers fan, and my dad is 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Seahawks fan, and a 49ers fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The 49ers fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Seahawks fan off the mountain.

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