Indianapolis Colts Jokes

Q: How many Indianapolis Colts does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Only one, Peyton Manning, and he plays for the Broncos.

Q: What's the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Colts fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What does COLTS stand for?
A: Coming Out Losers This Season.

Q: How many Indianapolis Colts does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Indianapolis Colts.

Q: Why Does Peyton Mannings Wife Want A Divorce?
A: It Seems She Caught Him Making A Pass To One Of His Team Mates.

Q: What did the Colts fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q. How are the Colts like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: Want to hear a Colts joke?
A: Frank Gore!

Q: Why is Frank Gore like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: How many Colts fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in Texans shadow!

Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: What do the Colts and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: How do you keep an Indianapolis Colts out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Indianapolis Colts players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Indianapolis Colts fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New England."

Q: How do you know the Indiana State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Indianapolis.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Colts tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q: How do you stop an Indianapolis Colts fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New England Red White and Blue!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Indianapolis Colts fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Colts wide receiver, a Colts linebacker, and a Colts defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Indianapolis Colts fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Indianapolis Colts football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Indianapolis Colts fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Indianapolis Colts fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Indianapolis Colts fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Indianapolis Colt in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: What do the Colts and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.

Q: Did you hear that Indianapolis's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Indianapolis Colts games.

Q: How many Indianapolis Colts fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Indianapolis Colts fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Indianapolis Colts fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Colts spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Colts fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the Indianapolis Colts want to change their name to the Indianapolis Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Indianapolis Colts & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: Where do you go in Indianapolis in case of a tornado?
A: Lucas Oil Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Lucas Oil stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Fort Wayne have a professional football team?
A: Because then Indianapolis would want one.

Q: Why are Indianapolis Colts jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Colts fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between Indianapolis Colts fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Q: What's the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Did you hear that Lucas Oil Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Indianapolis Colts fans.

Can an Indianapolis Colts player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in an Indianapolis Colts jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Indianapolis Colts fans.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Colts jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Why did the Indianapolis Colts fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

I put a Colts logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Colts end zone, they don't catch anything there.

Colts fans don't always eat pastries, but when they do it's usually a turnover.

Patriots Fans

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans, too.

Not really knowing what being a Pats fan meant, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, the students' hands flew into the air.

There was, however, one exception. Lucas was not going along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Colts fan" he said.
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm a Patriots fan," boasts the little boy.

The teacher asks Lucas why he is a Patriots fan. "Well, my dad and mom are Patriots fans, so I'm a Patriots fan, too" he responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Lucas smiles and says, "Then I'd be an Indianapolis Colts fan."

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Indianapolis Colts, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Texans fan, and a Colts fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Texans fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Colts fan off the mountain.

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