Kansas City Chiefs Jokes

Q: Which football team cooks gourmet meals together?
A: The Kansas City Chefs.

Q: What will happen if Charlie Weis is relieved of his duties as offensive coordinator with the Kansas City Chiefs?
A: He'll become the teams new mascot!

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Alex Smith told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: What do the Los Angeles Police Department and the Kansas City Chiefs have in common?
A: Neither one can stop a Bronco.

Q: Why can't Alex Smith use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q: What do you call a Kansas City Chief with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Kansas City Chiefs and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Kansas City Chiefs and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Chiefs fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What do the Kansas City Chiefs and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: What did the Chiefs fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"

Q. How are the Chiefs like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!

Q: What's the difference between the Denver Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs?
A: The last Broncos Super Bowl team picture isn't in black and white.

Q: Want to hear a Chiefs joke?
A: Travis Kelce!

Q: Why is Spencer Ware like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.

Q: How many Chiefs fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in Denver's shadow!

Q: How many Kansas City Chiefs does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do the Chiefs and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Kansas City Chiefs.

Q: What do the Kansas City Chiefs and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q: How do you keep an Kansas City Chiefs out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Why are so many Kansas City Chiefs players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!

Q: What is a Kansas City Chiefs fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat San Diego."

Q: What do the Chiefs and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.

Q: How do you stop an Kansas City Chiefs fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in San Diego Blue and Gold!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Kansas City Chiefs fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Chiefs wide receiver, a Chiefs linebacker, and a Chiefs defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Kansas City Chiefs fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Kansas City Chiefs football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Kansas City Chiefs fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Kansas City Chiefs games.

Q. How did the Kansas City Chiefs fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Kansas City Chiefs fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Kansas City Chief in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Kansas City's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Kansas City Chiefs fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: What does a Kansas City Chiefs fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Kansas City Chiefs fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Chiefs spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Chiefs fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!

Q: Why do the Kansas City Chiefs want to change their name to the Atlanta Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!

Q: What's the difference between the Kansas City Chiefs & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!

Q: What's the difference between the Kansas City Chiefs and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.

Q: Where do you go in Kansas City in case of a tornado?
A: Arrowhead Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Arrowhead stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Springfield have a professional football team?
A: Because then Kansas City would want one.

Q: Why are Kansas City Chiefs jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Chiefs fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between Kansas City Chiefs fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Can a Kansas City Chiefs player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a Kansas City Chiefs jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Chiefs end zone, they don't catch anything there.

The only thing worse than a Chiefs fan is a Chiefs quarterback.

Did you hear that Arrowhead Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!

I put a Chiefs logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Kansas City Chiefs fans.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Chiefs jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Why did the Kansas City Chiefs fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Kansas City Chiefs fans.

A Chiefs fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.

Child Welfare

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Kansas City Chiefs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Broncos Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Chiefs fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Chiefs fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Chiefs fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Chiefs fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Broncos fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Broncos fan?'
"Because my mom is a Broncos fan, and my dad is Broncos fan, so I'm a Broncos fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Broncos fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Chiefs fan.'

4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Broncos fan, and a Chiefs fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Broncos fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Chiefs fan off the mountain.

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