Southern Jokes


What happens when Southern people can't talk anymore?
They go through withdrawal.

What happens when you sing country music backwards?
You get your wife and job back.

Why do southerners hate landlords?
Because the devil rents down in Georgia.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Did you see the reality show where southern women do charity work?
It's called "Saved by the Belle".

What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher.

How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings.

Why do folks from Tennessee go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under are not admitted.

What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.

How do you find the perfect southern woman?
Make sure she comes with all the belles and whistles.

What do two rednecks say after breaking up?
Lets just be cousins.

What happens when you piss off a southern woman?
You get your "belle" rung.

What do you call the day after Thanksgiving when you can get amazing deals at Cabela's?
Buck Friday.

How do you kill a rodeo clown?
Go for the juggler!

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
Anyone else would have called it a "teethbrush".

What do you call an athletic southern woman?
The Belle of the Ball.

What do you call a country singer with a southern accent?
Shania Twang.

How do people from the deep south hold up their pants?
With a bible belt.

What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

What do you call a country singer that's a waitress at an Indian restaurant?
Curry Underwood.

What is the cheapest type of meat?
Deer balls, they're under a buck.

How do rednecks spend the first week of the school year?
Studying the Miranda Rights.

Moonshine doesn't turn people into somebody they're not.
It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.

Ask anyone who has lost a leg protecting our country,
They can show you what taking a knee actually looks like.

What do you call 1,000 Restrictor plates at the bottom of the ocean?
A Good Start.

Why did O.J. Simpson want to move the Kentucky?
Everyone there has the same DNA.

What do southerners eat in Korea?
Seoul Food.

What do you call a rodeo bull with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.

What is a hunters favorite game?
Duck Duck Goose.

Did you hear about the twister in Oklahoma that killed twenty people?
Those rednecks take that game way too seriously.

What do you call it when Batman leaves church early?
Christian Bale

What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer?
Arriba McEntire.

Why do Yankees speak slowly to Southerners?
To give them time to catch up.

If Danica Patrick, Steve Wallace and Clint Bowyer were in a boat and the Boat Sinks, Who Would be saved?
Half the cars in Sundays Race.

What do you call a singing vegetable?
Elvis Parsley.

What is a rednecks last words?
"HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS!"

What's the difference between a redneck and poor white trash?
A redneck will knock his sister up; poor white trash will marry her.

Do you know what size of shoe Dolly Parton wears?
.....Neither does she.

Where can a city girl fall in love with the deep south?
In the "Hart of Dixie".

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light!

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Alabama?
Documentaries.

How did Johnny Cash die?
He didn't see the train a comin.

What separates a good college football program from a great one?
The Florida Georgia Line.

Tim McGraw saw a boy with a barbeque stain on his white t-shirt and a daughter killing it in her mini-skirt.
Then Faith Hill said "Just Breathe".

Southerners don't need pickup lines cause they got pick up trucks.

That awkward moment when the South wins the election and get the North its manufacturing jobs back.

Working for the Lord, don't pay much, but the benefits are out of this world.

If you don't like the Robertsons then "Duck You".

If you can no longer tell what color your truck is, then your doing something right.

My favorite part of winter is watching it on TV from Alabama.

Roses are red, mud is brown, country music up, tailgate down.

Country Girls aren't afraid to love a man. They ain't afraid to shoot one neither.
Furthermore, country girls don't retreat, they reload.

You might be from the south if you diet mainly consists of Fried Chicken and Sweet Tea.

Boys never grow up, their trucks just get bigger and more expensive.

Miley Cyrus is releasing a new fragrance called "Twerk", its just Billy Ray's tears in a bottle

Some girls like diamonds and pretty rings. Country girls like camo and shootin' things.

Have you seen the film about the tractor? Its really good. I have seen the trailor!

City Girls Gone Wild, Country Girls Go Hunting.

Southern Grammar
You = 1
Y'all = 2-4
All Y'all = 5+

There are 3 fundamental truths about religion:
Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Son of God,
Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the Vicar of Christ,
and Baptists don't recognize each other at the bar on Saturday nights.

Bite To Eat
Two southerners stop in for a bite to eat, while discussing thier moonshine operation.
A woman at another table begins to cough.
Pretty soon she is choking.
One southerner says to her "Can yer breathe?"
She shakes her head..no.
He asks: "Can yer talk?"
She shakes her head..No.
He gets up,walks over to her,lifts up her dress,pulls down her panties and licks her on one butt cheek.
The woman is so shocked by this, she coughs up the food she had been chocking on.
The southerner slowly walks back to the table to join his partner.
The other southerner says "I done heard about that there HIND LICK manuver,but I've never seen it done."

Bubba & Jimmy
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy
Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide  grin.
"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new
"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened.
We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere.
Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed
in to the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
'Bubba, take whatever you want'. So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you".

Barbeque
Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says,
"Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The wife chose to ignore the husband.

Later that night in bed Glenn was feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie


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