Hunting Jokes

Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.

What do deers call hunters?
Doe foes.

What is a hunters favorite game?
Duck Duck Goose.

What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A meathead!

Why is bambi afraid of Christopher Walken?
Because he's a "Deer Hunter".

What is the Native American word for vegetarian?
"Poor hunter!"

Did you hear about the Robertsons new movie?
It's a Duck-umentary!

What did the deer tell the hunter?
Buck Off!

What do you call a hunter who can't stop duck hunting?
A quackhead.

What do you call the day when you can get amazing deals at Cabela's?
Buck Friday.

What do you get a hunter for his birthday?
A birthday pheasant.

What's the cheapest type of meat?
Dear balls, they're under a buck.

Real Men, hunt for their food.

Some Girls Go Wild, This Girl Goes Hunting.

I like Big Bucks and I cannot lie.

I like drinking a couple of beers while I hunt, my friends call me an elkholic.

If they put a Nike logo on a deer, I'll "just hunt it".

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Hey vegetarians, my food poops on your food.

I don't wear bows, I shoot them.

If it flies it dies,
If it hops it drops.
If it's brown it's down.

Two Hunters
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.

Mother In-Law
Bob, a hunter, went on camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the forrest, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone.

Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

Bob picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large bear stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The bear got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

Wife Goes Hunting
It was Saturday morning and John, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Mary, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. John asks her, "What are you up to?"

Mary smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" John, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

They arrive at the hunting site. John sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

John walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Mary couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, John starts running back. As John gets closer to her stand, he hears Mary screaming, "Get away from my deer!"

Confused, John races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, John is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"'

Two Hunters
Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.
One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of Running shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!"

To this the hunter said, "I know, all I have to do is outrun you!"

Deer Meat
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother

'Don't eat it, it's an asshole..

Police Station
At the police station, Billy explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
"Well," Billy began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Billy said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

Deer Jokes
Duck Jokes

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