Army Jokes

Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the army?
Well I have. The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!

Why do rednecks join the army?
They get free food guns and ammo.

A army major was upset with his son's report card.
All the subjects e.g shooting, strategy and tactics get terrible grades except Math which has an A.
The army major said 'Kids these days spent more time dividing than conquering'.


The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building".

The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.


Two army rules:

#1.The commanding officer is always right.
#2.If the commanding officer is not right, see #1.


A private asks a sergeant:

- Is it true that man descended from a monkey?
- Yes, privates possibly were. But not sergeants.

A general calls a colonel:

- Do you have a couple of smart majors?
- Yes Sir,  I do.
- Send them to me. I need to move my furniture around.


At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

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