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Navy Jokes


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What did the Navy say to the coast guards?
"I'll SEAL you later"

what did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem?
We are in the same boat.

Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the navy?
No.
Well I have. The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. 
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, 
you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. 
"Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

 

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. 
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, 
when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, 
"Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, 
"Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

 

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building".

The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

 

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."


Navy Liason
One day while on leave from the Navy, a lonely man went into a bar.
He was talking to this beautiful woman and asked to take her home with him and she agreed.
During sex they guy looks down at her and asks "How am I doing?" He asks
She looks at him and says "About three knots"
Confused the man asks "What do you mean?"
She says "You're KNOT hard, KNOT pleasuring, and you're KNOT getting your money back."

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