Coast Guard Jokes

What did the Navy say to the coast guards?
"I'll SEAL you later"

What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem?
We are in the same boat.

Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the coast guard?
Well I have. The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!

What does your Mom and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
They both swallow seamen.

Where do Coast Guard seamen go when they get sick?
The dock.

The Coast Guard rescued a boat with 10 cats and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats!

What time is it when a whale runs into a Coast Guard ship?
Time to get a new ship.


A Coast Guard Admiral and a Coast Guard Commander were sitting in the barbershop. 
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, 
when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The Coast Guard Commander shouted, 
"Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The Admiral turned to his barber and said, 
"Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Alligator Shoes
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Coast Guards who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Coast Guards the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Guards.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Coast Guard grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Coast Guards dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Coast Guards then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

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