Landlord Jokes
How did the landlord die?
He Cashed Out
How many ants do you need to rent out an apartment?
Tenants.
Why couldn't the landlord rent out the oceanside mansion to hipsters?
It was too current.
Why did the landlord put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
Do you know how to save a drowning real estate agent?
Take your foot off his head.
Did you hear about the landlord?
She enjoys long romantic walks to the Bank of America.
What do you have when 100 mortgage brokers are buried up to their neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
Why do people in the south hate landlords?
Because the devil rents down in Georgia.
What is a landlord's favorite game to play?
Monopoly
What's the difference between the male sperm and a landlord?
The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human.
What's the difference between a female landlord and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
What did the apartment say to the landlord?
Please Re-Lease Me.
What's a landlord?
A real estate agent without the sense of humour.
How do you get a landlord out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Landlord
A property manager for an apartment complex dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter. St. Peter tells him "You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding." So he chooses to check out hell first.
He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and doing the limbo (and nobody's doing the Macarena!). Everyone is laughing and having a great time.
Next St. Peter takes him up to heaven to look around. Everything is white and pristine. People are speaking softly about philosophy and mathematical formulas. Others are simply contemplative and serene. He's bored in about five minutes.
St. Peter then says to the apartment manager, "I want you to sleep on it and meet me back here in the morning to let me know your decision." The next morning he comes back and says to St. Peter, "Heaven is very nice and all, but hell looks great, so I've decided that I want to go to hell". So St. Peter puts him on the escalator down to hell.
When he gets there he sees Satan whipping people and there's fire everywhere and everyone is screaming in pain. So he goes over to Satan and says "Hey, what gives here? Yesterday I came here to check the place out and everyone had me partying and it looked like a great time. What happened?"
Satan looks at him and says "You used to be a property manager so you ought to know the answer to your own question. Yesterday you were a prospect. Today you're just another resident!"
Poor Family
A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"
They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.