What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are all too busy trying to design the perfect light bulb.
Q: How many consulting engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it will cost $50.
What do you call a robot you buy?
Why doesn't hamilton ever order dessert at a restaraunt?
Because he doesn't tolerate second order.
Why did a centrifugal pump engineer and his wife get a divorce?
Because when she asked him why he was so late from work one day he responded with, "I was getting head.
Engineers aren't boring people. We just get excited over boring things.
Hey baby I'm an engineer. I can mend your broken heart