How did the beautician win the race?
She took a short cut.
Beauticians do it standing up.
If you cheat on your beautician and get messed up don't come crawling back asking her to fix it.
What kind of car does a beautician drive?
A compact car.
Why do girls put on makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they stink.
Why did the blonde put on makeup before going to bed?
She wanted to get an hour of beauty sleep.
If your hair is done properly and your wearing the right shoes....
You can get away with anything.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
She had a make-up exam!
What do you call a cat that wears make up?
What do you call a good hair stylist?
A shear delight.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy.
What brands your makeup? Crayola maybe.
Why does a blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means Stop.
Did you see the movie about the fabulous secret agents?
It's called "Men In Black Eyeliner".
Makeup helps young women improve on mother nature and older women trick father time.
Women fall in love with what they hear, men fall in love with what they can see, that's why women wear make up and men lie.
Find a guy that ruins your lipstick not your mascara.
How come the Avon lady can't talk? Cuz her lipstick...
National Beauticians Day is celebrated annually on June 26th.
I heard all the girls want to be like Posh Spice and "Blend It Like Beckham".
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Rule #1: The Beautician is always right!
Rule #2: If there is any doubt, please refer to Rule #1.
A woman was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. She mentioned the trip to the beautician who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.
So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Delta," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Delta?" exclaimed the beautician. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is slow and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the beautician. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for her regular haircut. The beautician asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Delta's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the beautician, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
"Really?" asked the beautician. "What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get the terrible haircut?
Ditzy Young Woman
Young gal with flash and glitz and really large Bose head-phones on, walks into hair salon. "Do you take walk-ins?"
Hair-dresser, "Sure come on and have a seat in my chair. What did you need, today?"
Glitzy Gal, "Could you just trim the split ends?"
Hair-dresser, "No problem, just put your headphones on the counter and I'll get started."
Gal, "OH NO I cannot take them off or I'll die!"
Hair-dresser, "Ok, but I can't get all of your hair cut."
Little while later, hair-dresser sees her customer has apparently fallen asleep so she removes the headphones and continues to cut the gal's hair.
Suddenly the customer slumps down in chair and slides to the floor!
The hair- dresser rushes to the customer and checks and there is no pulse!
Not sure what to do, she picks up headphones and puts them on.
She hears "Breath In, Breath Out!"