What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common?
They know what it's like to be jammed into a small place and stuffed!
Black Friday is a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year
Black Friday = Broke Saturday
Why did Michael Jackson go Black Friday shopping?
He heard boys underwear was half off.
What was the horse looking for on Black Friday?
How can you tell which one of your friends got a good Black Friday deal?
Don't worry they'll let you know.
Who profits the most on Black Friday?
The one who was smart enough not to go shopping on that day.
How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday?
He Jingles All The Way.
What flies faster than items off the rack on Black Friday?
Credit card payment slips!
What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a herd of women on Black Friday?
You gotta Mufasa
Which family usually spends the most on Black Friday?
The one who earns the least.
Why do shoppers feel like cranberry juice on Black Friday?
They get bruised and battered bloody by other people until they get squeezed at the cashier.
What's the best time to rob Ice Cube?
Black Friday After Next.
Why was the hot white girl waiting in line on Black Friday?
To get a Starbucks latte.
What do people eat on Black Friday?
Whatever they couldn't finish on Thanksgiving Thursday.
Why do Americans go shopping on Black Friday?
They are thankful they survived Thanksgiving's feast.
Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving "Black Friday"?
It matches the mood of all those unhappy bloated shoppers.
Why did Obama's family go shopping on Black Friday?
What better way is there to spread some of that Stimulus Money?
Why is Donald Trump getting rid of Black Friday?
Because he wants an All White Christmas.
Black Friday One Liners
Black Friday: A day Americans are willing to kill over materialistic things just a day after celebrating what they're already thankful for.
If someone advertises a Black Friday beer sale I will camp out until I freeze
Black Friday is so hypocritical. one day you're thankful for everything you have then the next day you're fighting over tvs & stuff on sale
Black Friday. You know what? I don't see color. I just see people. I will be calling it Friday.
I'll be celebrating Black Friday in my traditional way.... by completely ignoring it.
Black Friday = The Day People Spend Money They Don't Have On Things They Don't Need.
I farted in the Apple Store on Black Friday and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don't have Windows.
Probable Headline: "1000 Americans killed trying to get twinkies on Black Friday."
Black Friday is more like the Hunger Games, and the winner gets $10 off a toaster.
I miss the good old days when Black Friday was ACTUALLY on Friday.
For a lot of thick white girls, every Friday is Black Friday.
EVERY day is "Black Friday" if you're a Kardashian.
yo mama so white she couldn't go shopping on BLACK friday.
"Black Friday" came earlier this year for me (my TV was stolen)
I want Black Friday prices and short lines everyday.
Why the hell don't liquor stores have Black Friday sales?
It's Black Friday and mall is packed with shoppers and Steve can't find his wife.
Steve goes up to a very attractive woman and says 'Excuse me, can you help me? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The attrative woman replies "Why?"
Steve replies "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materialises out of thin air."
Two Cappa sorority sisters were shopping on Black Friday and run into each other.
When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,
"Seems like all Mike and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her sorority sister.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
A small business owner was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST BLACK FRIDAY PRICES.
The small business owner panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.