What kind of plant grow on your hand?
How do trees settle a disagreement?
They sign a tree-ty.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Why didn't the lumberjack believe in god?
Because he chose log-ic.
Why does Mother nature always lose the fight?
Because they are the first to Re-treet.
What did one tree say to the other?
Are you a Sap!
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green!
What did the tree say to the lumberjack?
Leaf me alone.
What did the tree say to lumberjack as he was going home?
What a re-leaf.
What is the difference between a person and a tree?
One is illegal to hit with an ax!
Why do all eco-friendly consumers love T&A?
Because they think it stands for Trees and Air Quality!
What can the climate do that weather can't do with a tree?
What do loggers eat in the forest?
Mac and trees.
What does a lumberjack have in common with a preschooler?
They can both count to tree.
What is a tree's least favorite month?
Why don't lumberjacks pee in a tree?
There might be a squirrel in there looking for nuts.
Why are Tree Huggers bad at playing cards?
They like to avoid the flush.
What did the tree say to the logger?
I'm falling for you.
What do elephants and trees have in common?
They both have big trunks!
What did the tree say after it fell?
I should've SAW that coming.
How do trees get on the internet?
They log in.
Only after the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money.
Tree Movie Parodies
"Tree Story 3"
"Kung Fu Planters"
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax 2: "The Trees fight back"
"Rise of the Planet of the Trees"
A life-long environmentalist is killed in a plane-cash on the way to a "Save the planet" conference in Bali. Upon arriving at the pearly gates he is shocked to be told that he is destined for Hell.
He's not happy and harangues the gatekeeper with his protestations.
"I always paid my carbon taxes in full"
"My net carbon-footprint was always less than half my shoe-size"
"I planted more trees than anyone I know"
His increasingly shrill protestations went on for some time!
Finally, an increasingly irritated St Peter snaps! "Listen loser, we're doing you a favor."
One, you don't get hassled by angry vegetables that are pissed off with you advocating genocide, through a reduction in their food supply- CO2!
Two, rather than freezing your butt off, like the folks on Earth, you?ll stay warm!
But, and most importantly, three.
You'll get to meet all your friends, listen to the BBC, throughout eternity, and not have to suffer the "I told you so" taunts of the "denialist" brigade!