Lumberjack Jokes
What do you call a Lumberjack who can't wake up on time?
A Slumberjack.
Why didn't the lumberjack believe in god?
Because he chose log-ic.
What do you call a lumberjack wolf?
A timber wolf!
What's the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?
One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.
Why didnt the lumberjack shark believe in God?
He chose log-shark (logic)
What did the tree say to the lumberjack?
Leaf me alone.
What did the tree say to lumberjack as he was going home?
What a re-leaf.
Why did the cat run away from the lumberjacks?
He was afraid of their bark.
What does a lumberjack have in common with a preschooler?
They can both count to tree.
Why don't lumberjacks pee in a tree?
There might be a squirrel in there looking for nuts.
Why are Tree Huggers bad at playing cards?
They like to avoid the flush.
What kind of sushi does a lumberjack order?
A log roll.
Why can't the lumberjack find his tools?
Because he's a saw (sore) loser.
What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to the tree?
May the Forest be with you.
What does a lumberjack call sawdust?
Man Glitter.
What did the tree say to the logger?
I'm falling for you.
What do elephants and trees have in common?
They both have big trunks!
What did the tree say after it fell?
I should've SAW that coming.
What does a lumberjack do before turning off the computer?
He logs off.
What kind of math does a lumberjack need to know?
Log-istics.
When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree, where did the Ape hiding in the uppermost branches land?
Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!
Is you dad a lumberjack, cuz baby you giving me wood.
Oh...another lumberjack joke, I should've saw that one coming.
Blonde
This blonde man went to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack.
Ther he met a foreman of a logging organization who offered to give him a job.
"Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 50 trees a day," the foreman told him.
The blonde man didn't see this as a problem, so she went out and did her best.
He came back sweating like a pig. "Christ, how many trees did you cut down?" asked the foreman.
"5" He replied.
"What!? You have to do beter than that. Get up earlier tommorow." The foreman said.
So he did. Out he went with the chainsaw, he came back that night exhausted.
'How many this time?" asked the foreman.
"11" he said.
The foreman says, "That does it. I'm coming out there with you tommorow morning."
The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, "This is how to cut down trees really quickly."
He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRRRRRUM.
He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically. So he asks him what's wrong.
He replies, "What the hell is that?"