Veterinarian Jokes

What did the veterinarian say after the rabbit died?
Hare today, gone tomorrow.

Did you hear about the veterinarian who learned to talk with foxes?
She was crazy like a fox.

Did you hear about the blonde whose computer mouse stopped working?
She took it to the vet.

What did the vet say after she got sued?
You got to be kitten me.

Why don't veterinarians buy things on Amazon?
They prefer cat-alogues!

What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?
A terrified veterinarian!

What's the first thing a vet says to a cat?

Boy: I have a dog that doesn't have a nose.
Veterinarian: And how does he smell?
Boy: Awful.

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he
lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope,
placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."
"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell?  You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work,
checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly.
After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook
his head and said "Bark".
The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few
moments with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the
table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and
said, "Meow."  He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600.  The dog's owner
went beserk. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is
The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan..."

Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove. "I'm a veterinarian," said the first fellow. "So, naturally, I drive a white 'Vet."
As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Neon."
Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he was egged on by the other two. "Well," he finally said, "I'm a proctologist... and I have a brown Probe."

Old Dog
At the veterinarian's office, the telephone rings:
A man says "Listen, doctor, tomorrow I'll send my old dog with my wife. Give her a powerful poison so she does not suffer too much."
The vet responds "Okay, but will the dog know how to return home alone?"

A man walks into confession and says "Father, forgive me because I have sinned."
"Oh? What have you done?" asks the priest
"I'm a doctor and I slept with one of my patients." replies the doctor
The priest replies "My son, it's not very good, but you're forgiven. You are not the first doctor to sleep with a patient. I've heard different confessions about it."
"Yes, but I am a veterinarian."

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