Thomas The Train Jokes

Q: What did the Steamie say to the Diesel?
A: Would you like a tow home?

Q: What do you call a locomotive with a cold?
A: A choo choo train.

Q: Which jam does the fat controller put on his bread?
A: Traffic jam!

Q: Why can't Gordon sit down?
A: Because he has a tender behind

Q: What do you get if you cross a toe with a bee?
A: Toby!

Q: What does DODGE stand for?
A: Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater

Q: What is Rocky's favorite lullaby?
A: Rocky bye baby on the tree top.

Q: What food do they serve during A Day Out With Thomas?
A: Mighty Mac n Cheese with a bag of Salty Pretzels.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Thomas Train and Shakespeare?
A: Toby or not toby, that is the question!

Q: What do you get if you cross Duck with water?
A: Duckpond

Q: What do you call a thomas train that eats toffee?
A: A chew, chew train.

Q: How do you double the usefulness of a Diesel?
A: Turn it into a steamie.

Q: What do you call the train on sodor that takes the day off?
A: A blow off a litle steam engine.

Q: What do you call a Diesel at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle?

Q: What do you call two Diesels at the top of a hill?
A: A mirage.

Q: How do you improve the appearance of a Diesel?
A: Place it between two Steamies

Q: Whats the difference between Diesel 10 and a shopping cart?
A: A shopping cart is easier to push.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To push a Diesel into the shop

Q: What do you call a childrens book about a diesel?
A: The Little Engine that Derailed.

Q: At what time does Duck wake up?
A: At the quack of dawn.

Q: What did Thomas say after Gordon helped him out of the mineshaft?
A: Tank you, Choo awesome.

Q: What did Duck say to Sir Topham Hat?
A: "Let's quack this case!"

Q: What does Duck watch on TV?
A: Duck-umentaries!

Q: Where does Duck go when he is sick?
A: To the Ducktor!

Q: Why is Duck not a very useful engine?
A: Because his windshield is qwacked.

Q: What do you call a steamie pulling a bubblegum and toffee caboose?
A: A chew chew train.

Q: How do you find a missing engine?
A: You follow it's tracks.

Q: What do you call a train with a cold?
A: A choo choo train.

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to
meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop
quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading
towards each other on the same track?" Tom says: "I would switch one train to
another track." "What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "Then I'd run
down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," answers Tom. "What if
that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector. "Then," Tom
continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was being used?" "In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the
street level and use the public phone near the station." "What if that had been
vandalized?" "Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my
Uncle Leo." This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."

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