Stalker Jokes

Why do rich people hire private investigators?
Because money stalks.

My friend stole some corn from the neighbors farm.
The police charged him with stalking.

What do you call a movie about a baby that keeps following you around?
Look who's stalking.

Did you hear about the shy guy who had a crush?
He was all stalk no action.

What did celery say to the veggie dip?
I'm stalking you.

When shouldn't you run into a cornfield?
If your stalker is a cereal killer.

Are you going to go out with me....or do I have to stalk you?

My girlfriend thinks I'm stalking her, well she doesn't know we're together yet.

Stalking is such a strong word... I prefer to call it "Intense research of an individual."
I prefer obsessively shadowing.
but then again, so is Love.
Let's call it, Social Investigating!
I prefer checking up on you.

What did one ear of corn say to the other?
Don't look now I think someone is stalking us.

What did my stalker say when I ran into a cornfield?
Awwwwww shucks.

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one of them knows about it.

I think stalkers get a bad rep, they're just people trying to read a persons autobiography while it's happening.

My ex-girlfriend told me to stop following her around. I told her "Let's stalk about it".

Have you noticed that girls never go to the bathroom alone, it's because I follow them.

I made the mistake of confronting my gay stalker, I should have know he'd stalk my pants off.

Do you live in a cornfield, cause I'm stalking you.

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy,
Add me on Facebook, and stalk me maybe.
(to the tune of "Call Me Maybe")

The woman in front of me sped up so I did too.
She began running so I ran too.
She screamed so I screamed as well.
The police officer tackled me.

I told him "I never even saw what we were running from."

Creepy Pick Up Lines

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