You Might Be a Redneck If Joke

You Might be a Redneck If:

You might be a redneck if...Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

you might be a redneck, if you think lol means "low on liquor."

You might be a redneck if you have a home that's mobile and three cars that aren't!

You might be a redneck if Thanksgiving was ruined because you ran out of ketchup.

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Sweet 16 is sponsered by Budweiser.

You might be a redneck if you've ever had to wait to use the toilet because the dog was drinking from it.

You might be a redneck if burning lighter fluid is your favorite smell in the world!

You might be a redneck if you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are: "Play Ball"

You might be a redneck if your school hands out race tickets for perfect attendance.

You might be a redneck if you heat your house with, bacon grease, old motor oil, & chicken grease

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

If you make love out doors during the summer to save on the air conditioning bill you might be a redneck.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You've ever been too drunk to fish.

You've ever bought a used cap.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".

You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You have more guns than teeth.

You might be a redneck when you use a weed eater for a blender

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

You take your date to the drive-in movies on your John Deere.

You've never paid for a haircut.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

You tape phone numbers on the back of your cell phone.

90% of your diet consists of deep fried food.

Your front and back door are on the same hinge

You know you're in a Red Neck Town when they don't have a high school homecoming dance, but, a tailgate party instead. (This ones true)

You stare at a box of orange juice in the morning that said concentrate on it .

If your eating duck and it still has a pulse.

If a horse on the side of a country road, pull over and try to put it in the back seat of a Chrysler Newport, You might be a Redneck

If you have your 13 yr old son take you to the liquor store on the back of a very small Honda 50, that's not legal to be on the county roads 13 miles away, you might be a Redneck.

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