Hipster Jokes

Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number

Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.

Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion?
A: It was too current.

Q: How much does a hipster weigh?
A: An instagram.

Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: He drank low fat non whip frapp before it was cool.

Q: How do you kill a hipster?
A: Stab it with a Pitchfork

Q: What do you get if you cross a hipster with a vampire?
A: Count swagula.

Q: Who was the First Hipster?
A: You've probably never heard of him.

Q: What do you call a hipster with a speech impediment?
A: Mumblr.

Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.

Q: Why did the hipster stand by the fan?
A: He was trying to stay cool.

Q: Why are all the ugly chicks hipsters?
A: Because beauty is just too Mainstream!

Q: How do you get a hipster to eat a hot dog?
A: Put it in a man bun.

Q: Why do hipsters only use the microwave.
A: They don't like conventional ovens.

Q: What do you call a dictator who wants to save the environment?
A: Adolph Hipster.

Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth?
A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.

Q: Why do hipsters love using the subway?
A: Because its underground.

Q: What do hipsters put on their strawberries?
A: Before it was cool whip.

Q: How do you know if Shakira is still cool?
A: Hipsters don't lie.

Q: What kind of cereal do hipsters eat?
A: Vape Nuts or Emoji-Os.

Q: What was the hipster doing at the computer?
A: Looking in the recycling bin for something retro.

Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class?
A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.

Q: What do you call a shy, soft-spoken hipster?
A: mumblr

Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!

Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters?
A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork

Q: What do hipsters eat for breakfast?
A: Bronuts and Sticky Man-buns.

What's the only candy a hipster will eat?
A Kik kat bar.

Q: What happens when a Hipster falls?
A: They Tumblr

My poetry bring all the hipsters to the yard and they're like "How Avant-garde"

If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody's around to hear it, will a hipster buy the soundtrack?

Dear Hipster, Jesus loved you before you were cool.

If a hipster does something, but doesn't instagram it, did it really happen?

I ain't no hipster, but I can make your hips stir.

Dear Hipster, no matter how cool you think you're making it look...It's still alcoholism

Two hipsters walk into a bar. The first one did it before it was cool, and the second one did it ironically.

I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

So a hipster walks into a bar and, well, you've probably never heard of it.

What came first the hipster or the mainstream?

Push a hipster down the stairs, ....now look whose tumbling.

Hipsters wear jackets in the summer, before it's cool.

Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.

Hipster Translations

I don't believe in labels
(I do, and mine is hipster)

I got this for $1 at goodwill
(I got this at Urban Outfitters for $60)

I like your jeans
(I don't like your jeans)

Check out this song
(I know lots of bands you've never heard of)

I'm near-sighted
(I found the perfect Urkel glasses and I couldn't resist)

I don't have a TV
(I think I'm better than you)

I think cars are bad for the environment
(I'm poor and car-less and I still think I'm better than you)

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