Chef Jokes

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will become a pizza history.

What do you call the Tom Cruise movie about cooking?
A Few Good Menus.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?
Lettuce get together!

Why is the chef so mean?
She beats the eggs and whips the cream!

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

Why shouldn't you hire a midget chef?
The steaks are too high.

What was the epileptic chefs house speciality?
Seizure salad.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
"I want you inside me!"

What is the chef's favorite thing to do?
Cut the cheese.

Why do lesbians suck at cooking?
Cause they always eat out.

What are chefs always trying the win?
The Hunger Games.

What did the host of Top Chef say to the contestants?
Lettuce begin.

Why did the pastry chef get arrested?
For baking and entering.

What do you call a Disney movie about a chef?
James and the Giant Quiche.

Why did the chef have to stop cooking?
He ran out of Thyme.

Why did the chef quit?
They cut his celery.

What do you call a restaurant that makes you throw up?
Two Grills One Cup.

What music do chefs play in the kitchen?
Wok N Roll.

How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin?
First, invade ze kitchen.

What day to eggs hate the most?
On Fry Day.

Why did the chef shave the peaches?
Because the recipe called for nectarines!

How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?

What is a sous chefs favorite song?
Dice Dice Baby....

What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

What is a dog's favorite food?
Anything that is on your plate!

Have you heard about the Sauna that serves food?
Their specialty is steamed mussels.

Did you hear about the fight in the kitchen?
A fish got battered.

What do you call an R&B funk tribute band that only plays in the kitchen?
Earth, Wind & Fryer.

Why can't chefs play baseball?
They always get caught trying to steal a basil.

What do pastry chefs like to watch on HBO?
Game of Scones: All men must dine.

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

National Personal Chef Day is observed annually on July 16th.

The last time Chuck Norris cooked dinner... Jesus and the disciples had reservations.

I'm not good at cooking, so lets go out sometime!

Pastry Chefs
There once was a girl who kept being followed by bread and pastry chefs wearing cooks hats.
She asked her girlfriend if she could tell her why the breadmakers were following her.
Her girlfriend told her you really need to do something about that yeast infection.

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