Short Vermont Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Middlebury College sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why do Middlebury College grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Vermont campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Vermont?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What does a University of Vermont grad call a University of New Hampshire grad in 5 years?
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Gutterson Fieldhouse?
A: Two Catamounts fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Vermont regents decide to cover Gutterson Fieldhouse in cardboard?
A: Because the Catamounts always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from New York to Vermont?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Catamounts cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in New Hampshire lean west?
A: Vermont Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Vermont do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Catamounts hockey players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Norwich University students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did the Catamounts disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Vermont Community College diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $30,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Norwich University University diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Vermont Technical College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to University of Vermont.
Q: Why should the Vermont Catamounts change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Catamounts hockey players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Vermont Catamounts hockey team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is an Burlington girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Catamounts grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Norwich University grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Vermont Catamounts fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Vermont Catamounts fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Middlebury College.
Q: Whats the difference between Burlington and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: What's the difference between the Gutterson Fieldhouse and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?
A: The New Hampshire-Vermont border.
Q: How do you confuse a Vermont student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Durham, NH to Burlington, VT?
A: Go west until you smell shit and north until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Norwich University grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Vermont library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Vermont's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What is blue, green, and used to be red?
A: Vermont! Green mountains, democrat, used to be a republican state!
Q: What does the average University of Vermont student get on his SAT?