Health Care Jokes

Q: If Republican's have "Cadallic" health plans, what plans to Democrats have?
A: "Yugo" health go to the doctor, you go to the hospital, you pay!

Q: What does HMO stand for?
A1: Hand Money Over!
A2: How Many Obstacles!
A3: Healthy Members Only!
A4: Horrible Medical Organization!
A5: Healthy Men Only

Q: Other than health care what other promises has Barack Obama made to the American People?
A: Balancing the budget, reining in the banks and putting a unicorn in every backyard!

Q: What do Barack Obama & Tiger Woods have in common?
A: They are both trying to screw everybody!

Q: How do you know your doctor is not a fan of Obama's Health Care Plan?
A: He/she has remodeled the waiting room with death paneling.

Q: What is the difference between an HMO and a car battery?
A: The battery has a positive side!

Q: What's the difference between an HMO physican and a seagull?
A: A seagull can still make a significant deposit on a Mercedes.

Q: Why is Congress contacting Tiger Woods about Health care solutions?
A: They want to know how to screw everybody except your own family members!

Q: Why shouldn't health care be run like the United States Postal Service?
A: Because babies won't be born unless they have the right amount of postage!

Q: How is the tabacco industry solving the health care crisis?
A: By allowing Marlboro Miles to be redeemed for health care coverage!

Q: If the health care reform bill is named after the late Ted Kennedy who should the defense bill be named after?
A: Rush Limbaugh because it contains a lot of fat!

Q: How is Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health care reform?
A: By giving their mistresses free breast implants!

Q: What should you do if your health plan only covers generic prescriptions and generics make you feel sick?
A: Poke yourself in the eye!

Q. Under the democratic health bill, do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q: How is Hilary Clinton planning to reduce teen pregnancies and prevent STDs?
A: By getting Bill to wear condoms!

Q: Why is it ironic that Sarah Palin is against "death panels" for old people?
A: Because she smothered the life out of the McCain presidential campaign!

Q: Will health care be different under Barack Obama's new reforms?
A: No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then!

Q: Why is Healthcare reform so important to the enigmatic Barack Obama?
A: His pregnant mom was turned away from many hospitals and was forced to give birth in a manger!

Q: Why is it pointless for Barack Obama to hold Senior Citizens Q & A sessions on the internet?
A: Because microwave ovens don't have internet connections!

Q: Under Obama's health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting conditions?
A: Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment!

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