Valentine's Day Jokes

Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

What did the valentines day card say to the stamp?
Stick with me and you'll go places

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!

Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentines Day, the side chick is you!

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"

What do single people call Valentine's Day?
Happy Independance Day

What is the difference between a calendar and you?
A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.

What's the best part about Valentines Day?
The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What is another way of saying Happy Valentines day!
S.A.D, Singles Awareness Day!

What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?
"I've got a crutch on you!"

Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
It was a case of guppy love.

What do you call two birds in love?

What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love?
A stupid cupid!

What do you call a very small valentine?
A valentiny!

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
"I'm sweet on you!"

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

What did one pickle say to the other?
"You mean a great dill to me."

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive who?
Olive you!

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"

What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
"You're fun to hang around with."

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?
It made him wed his plants!

Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!

Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

What is the true purpose of Valentine's Day?
To remind single people they are single.

Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration?
Because you can really party hearty!

What did one oar say to the other?
"Can I interest you in a little row-mance?"

What did the pencil say to the paper?
"I dot my i's on you!"

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!

Do you have a date for valentines day?
Yes, February 14th

You wanna hear a joke?
Valentine's Day

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive on Valentines Day by 90 percent....
Wedding cake.

Valentines Day One Liners

Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360

"Whale you be my Valentine?" "Dolphinately"

Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentines Day, the side chick is you!

Valentines Day shouldn't be the only day you place a girl above everything else

Tomorrow is Valentine's day. Don't worry if you're single. You're going to die alone anyway!

I can't wait for valentines day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone and that special someone is me.

Valentines day is one big scam. If someone loves you they should show you everyday!

To all the single people on Valentine's Day, don't be sad. Think of all the Money and time you are saving on not getting a gift

Valentines day..... A day when taken people get laid and single people get drunk.

That awkward moment when valentines day is around the corner, and the only person that loves you is your mom.

To all my single friends. If no one else loves you, I do. Happy Valentine's Day!

To all my friends who are commited: Happy Valentine`s Day!. and To all my friends who are single, Happy Independance Day

Dear Alcohol..... Will you be my Valentine?

When you are with the right person, every day is Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentines day, hope you all get some...... Chocolates that is

My thoughts and prayers go out to all men today whose girlfriends are on their period this Valentines day.

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