Whale Jokes

What do whales eat?
Fish and ships.

What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum!

Where are whales weighed?
At a whale weigh station

How do you circumsize a whale?
You send down four-skin divers.

Did you hear about the flying whale?
Actually its a whale of a story.

What do you call a baby whale?
A little squirt!

What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

What do you get when you cross a cow and a whale?

How do you get banned from Sea World?
Free Willy.

What is an investment bankers favorite fish?
White Whales.

How is a dog and a marine biologist alike?
One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!

What's Moby Dicks fathers name?
Papa Boner.

How do fish travel long distances?
They whale (hail) a cab.

What do you calf a whale with the stomach virus?
A be-loogie

How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell a whale of a tale.

Whats the difference between your mom and a blue whale?
Ten pounds.

I know a whale joke. Its a real killer.

Do you like whales? Cause we can go hump back at my place.

A man walks into Sea World and says whale whale whale what have we here.

Jonah and the Whale
A young girl and her teacher are arguing about whether humans can be swallowed by whales. Her teacher says that it's impossible for whales to swallow humans because whales have small throats.
The little girl says, "How can this be? Jonah got swallowed by a whale."
The teacher says, "That's not even a true story."
The girl says,"When I go to heaven, I'll ask him."
The teacher says, "What if Jonah didn't go to heaven?"
The girl says, "Then you ask him."

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a whale sitting next to him.
"Are you a whale?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The whale replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Salty Sea
Son: 'Dad, why is the sea salty?'
Father: 'Son, when a male blue whale mates, it releases over 40,000 gallons of sperm. Only 30% of this reaches the female and you ask me the why the sea is salty...'

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