Q: In which river are you sure to find snakes?
A: The Hiss-issippi River!
Q: What is a snakes favorite dance?
A: The Mamba
Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A: A civil serpent!
Q: What did the snake give to his wife?
A: A goodnight hiss!
Q: Why did the snake's wife file for divorce?
A: Ereptile Disfunction.
Q: What did the naughty little diamondback say to his big sister?
A: "Don't be such a rattle-tail!"
Q: What does an exhibitionistic snake wear to the beach?
A: A pythong.
Q: What do you call a snake that tells jokes?
A: Monty Python.
Q: How do you measure a snake?
A: In inches. They don't have any feet!
Q: Did you hear about the snake love letter?
A: He sealed it with a hiss.
Q: If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get?
A: A swallow!
Q: Why couldn't the female snake have any babies?
A: Because she'd had a hiss-terectomy!
Q: Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry?
A: She thought the joke was hisss-terical
Q: Why are snakes so good at rapping?
A: They rap around there prey!
Q: What do you call a reptile that plays baseball?
A: Snake Arrieta.
Q: What clothing might sister snakes share?
Q: How does a snake shoot something?
A: With a boa and arrow!
Q: What's the wrong time to reason with a snake?
A: When it's throwing a hissy fit.
Q: How do you know it's time to buy a new pair of shoes?
A: When your old ones have snake eyes.
Q: What kind of snake keep its car the cleanest?
A: A windshield viper!
Q: Did you hear about the two snakes that were in love but related?
A: They were hissing cousins.
Q: What snake is a member of the band?
A: The RATTLEsnake!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
A: A PIE-THON!
Q: Why don't snakes need to weigh themselves?
A: Because they have their own scales.
Q: How can you revive a snake that looks dead?
A: With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation!
Q: What is the most popular snake dialect?
Q: What do snakes do after they fight?
A: Hiss and make up!
Q: What do snakes use to cut paper?
Q: What do you call taking a selfie with a rattlesnake?
A: A missssss-take.
Q: Did you hear about the man who crossed the snake mafia?
A: He was given the hiss of death.
Q: What do you call a snake that builds things?
A: A boa constructor!