Shark Jokes

Short Shark Jokes

Q: What kind of shark is always gambling?

Q: What is a sharks favorite sci-fi show
A: Shark Trek

Q: Why do sharks make terrible lawyers?
A: They're too nice!

Q: What do you call a solitary shark
A: A "lone" (loan) shark

Q: Why do sharks live in the ocean and not the sky
A: The sky is Jet territory

Q: What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark?
A: Do not consume if seal is broken.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy!

Q: Why don't sharks like fast food?
A: Because they can't catch it!

What did the shark say to the whale?
What are u blubbering about?

Q: What's the difference between OJ Simpson and the Sharks?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence...

Q: WHat doe a shark like to watch on tv
A: Anything but Flipper!

Q: What is a sharks favorite bible story
A: Noah's SHARK

Q: What was the shark;s favorite James Joyce novel
A: FINnegan's wake

Q: What do you call a shark that can't stop singing "U Cant Touch This?"
A: An M.C. Hammerhead.

Q: Why did the shark throw his clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly!

Q: Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
A: To get to the other TIDE

Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: an animal that talks your head off.

Q: How do you make a shark laugh?
A: Tell a whale of a tale.

Q: What is a sharks favorite Dustin Hoffman Film
A: Midnight Caudal

Q: Who is the shark communitys favorite 1950s film actress
A: Dorsal Day

Q: Who is the shark communitys favorite 1950s film actor
A: Shark Hudson

Q: Why did the shark commit suicide
A: He was tired of feeling like he was swimming in circles

Q: What did one shark say to try to comfort a friend who had just gotten out of a relationship
A: "its ok there are plenty of other birds in the sky"

Q: What do yuppie sharks like to drink
A: Jaw-va

Q: What was the nerd shark's favorite programming language
A: Jaw-va

Q: what is the shark worlds favorite macintosh web browser
A: jawvari

Q: What was the shark jazz musician's favorite illegal substance?
A: Reefer!

Q: why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced
A: they no longer loved each other

Q: What do sharks eat for dessert?
A: Octo-pie.

Q: Who was the first shark elected president of the united states?
A: James K. Shark

Q: What was the sharks favorite Orson Welles movie
A: Citizen Kane-i-kokala

Q: What does a snowshark give you?
A: Frost bites.

Q: Whats the Great White Sharks favorite candy?
A: The Jaw-Breaker!

Q: What was the sharks favorite B-52s song
A: Love Shark

Q: What did one shark say to the other after eating a clown fish?
A: 'Not only does it look funny, but it tastes funny too.'

Q: What is a shark's favorite smell?
A: Human blood.

Q: What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish!

Q: how did the crazy shark become normal again
A: electro shark therapy

Q: why did the street sharks get arrested
A: dorsal profiling

Q: what did the street shark say when something radical happened?

Q: Why doesn't anybody like the stand-up comedy of Margaret Shark?
A: She bites!

Q: Why don't sharks have tools?
A: They don't have opposable thumbs

Q: Whats green and gross and lives under the sea?
A: Shark boogers!

Q: What did the teenage sharks say when they were having sex?
A: "we're going to need a bigger condom!"

Q: What should you do if you see a shark?
A: Swim far, far away!

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A mulatto scuba diver who has just been mauled to death by a shark

Q: What does a shark eat for dinner?
A: Whatever it wants!

Q: What was the shark's favorite Tim Burton film?
A: Edward Scissorfins

Q: What do sharks use before attacking surfers?
A: Sun Scream.

Q: Where can you buy sharks on Wall Street?
A: At the shark (stock) market, of course!

Q: What do British sharks like to eat?
A: Fish and kids!

Q: Why did the shark cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide!

Q: What was the shark's favorite Pixar movie?
A: Eating Nemo

Q: What did the shark plead in the murder case?
A: Not gill-ty!

Q: Where are sharks from?
A: Finland.

Q: Who was the shark's favorite Norwegian painter?
A: Edvard Munch!

Q: Who was the shark's favorite 20th century art figure?
A: Marcel DuChomp

Q: What's better than a shark in a blender?
A: Two sharks in a blender

Q: How did the shark avoid serving in the army?
A: He was a conscientious ob-shark-ter

Q: What did the deaf, dumb and blind shark excel at?
A: Finball

Q: What kind of shark is always quoting Shakespeare?
A: A bard shark

Q: What do you get if you cross a shark with a Rottweiler?
A: An abomination unto God Himself

Q: What's worse than being bitten by a shark?
A: Being bitten by a vampire shark

Q: What do cat sharks cough up?
A: Human balls.

Q: Why are shark comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!

Q: What magical spell causes the victim to bleed profusely?
A: Shark-temsempra

Q: Did the shark who was raised by fish receive any education?
A: Yes, he was home-schooled (in a school of fish)

Q: What is the shark worlds most popular comic strip
A: Seanuts

Q: Why are sharks so patriotic?
A: They are marine fish

Q: What would they call a quarter pounder with cheese at a hypothetical McDonalds for sharks
A: a quarter flounder with cheese

Q: What brand of caramel-coated popcorn and peanuts do sharks prefer?
A: Cracker Sharks

Q: Why aren't there any shark puppeteers?
A: They have no hands!

Q: What's worse than one shark coming to dinner?
A: Two sharks coming to dinner

Q: What was the teenage sharks favorite internet site
A: MyShark

Q: What was the college student sharks favorite internet site?
A: Finsbook

Q: Who was the sharks favorite character on NBC's "The Office"
A: Michael Shark

Q: What's a shark favorite substance?
A: Reefer

Q: Who was the sharks second favorite character on NBC's "The Office"
A: Dwight K. Shark

Q: Why didnt the lumberjack shark believe in God
A: He chose log-shark (logic)

Q: What kind of sharks make the best pog players?
A: Slammerheads!

Q: Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!

Q: What do you call the stuff between a shark's teeth?
A: Slow Swimmers.

Q: What is King Arthur?s favorite fish?
A: A swordfish.

Q: What was the marine biologist's kid's excuse for not having his homework?
A: "My shark ate it!"

Q: Why did the shark joke book writer's wife leave him?
A: She wanted to start a relationship with that blond-haired meathead who "wrote" 200 Gross Jokes

Q: What do sharks call human children?
A: Appetizers.

Q: What kind of photographs do shark crime scene investigators use?
A: Placoid photos

Q: What was Shark Elvis's biggest hit?
A: You Ain't Nothin' But A Houndshark

Q: Who was the politcally saavy shark's favorite Newsweek reporter?
A: Fareed Sharkaria

Q: What is the keenest kind of shark?
A: A swellshark!

A shark swims into Sea World and says whale whale whale what have we here.

I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

Shark Bar Jokes

Rich Millionaire

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.'

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!'

Two Brothers

One day two brothers, Jack & John decide to go out diving for seafood.
They quickly manage to fill up a sack of seafood so Jack decides to take it back to shore & grab another sack to fill.
John is out at sea all by himself when he see's a shark coming towards him.
Frantically he calls out to his brothr Jack who is still at shore, "Bro Help me Help me there is a shark heading straight for me."
Jack calls back "Yeah Im coming bro"
John is freaking out, the shark swims right up to him & bites off his leg.
Again he is calling out to Jack who is still at the shoreline "Bro come and help me, the sharks bitten off one of my legs.
Jack yells back "yeah hold on Im coming!!"
John tries to stay calm and wait for his brother but then the shark bites off one of his arms.
He yells back to his brother Jack "Hurry!! Come and help me the shark has bitten off my arm and my leg."
Jack calls back "Hold on Im coming!!!"
Then the shark bites off his other leg, John yells "Jack you have to come & save me. The shark has bitten off both my legs and an arm."
And as usual Jack replies. "Just wait Im coming"
The shark then bites off Johns other arm.
Now John has no arms or legs.
His brother finally arrives to save him.
Come on bro, get on my back & I will swim you back to shore.
When they get to the shoreline Jack says with an exhausted sigh "I feel fucked"
And John replies "Well I had to hold on some how!"

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