Seal Jokes

Baby Harp Seal

A baby harp seal was crawling around the rocky shores out in the open.
A greenpeace person ran over to it and said, "Don't you know there are evil men out here to kill you and take your skin?
Why are you out here in the open?"
The baby seal replied, "Beats me!"

Baby seal goes into a bar, the Bartender says "What'll it be?".
The seal replies "Anything but Canadian Club on the rocks!".

A man walks into a bar where the only other occupant is a seal.
he orders a beer and hears the seal say "I like your tie." confused the man ignores the seal.
But every few minutes the seal calls out another complement.
When the bartender comes the man asks "what's with the mammal?"
to that the bartender replies "oh that is our seal of approval"

Pickup Truck

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of seals. He pulls the guy over and says...
"You can't drive around with seals in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says "OK"... and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of seals, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands...
"I thought I told you to take these seals to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies...
"I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Religious Eskimo

The devout eskimo lost his favorite Bible while he was ice fishing.
Three weeks later, a baby seal walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The eskimo couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the seal's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the baby seal. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Night of Drinking
A man and his pet seal walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my seal."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the seal falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a seal."

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a seal sitting next to him.
"Are you a seal?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The seal replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Q: What did the seal say when it swam into a concrete wall?
A: "Dam!"

Q: What does a seal get from sitting on the ice too long at the zoo?
A: Polaroids!

Two baby harp seals walk into a club......

Q: What did the baby seal say when it was late?
A: "I would have been here sooner, but my iceberg hit a ship."

Q: Why are George W Bush's school grades like a seals eating habits?
A: They're both below C level!

Q: What's a balanced diet for a polar bear?
A: A seal in each paw!

Q: What do you call a seal in the desert?
A: Lost.

Q: What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark?
A: Do not consume if seal is broken.

Q: Where do Seals get money from?

Q: Did you hear about the pinniped that became friends with a polar bear?
A: His fate was sealed.

Q: What did the grape say when the seal stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Q: What did the seal study in school?
A: Art Art Art Art!!!

Q: What does a polar bear call a seal on a skateboard?
A: Meals on Wheels.

Q: Who is a polar bears favorite pop star?
A: Seal.

Q: Where do seals go to see movies?
A: The dive-in!

Q: Why did the seal cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide!

Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Q: Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party ?
A: He was looking for a tight seal.

I won't go to a zoo unless it has a seal of approval.

I saw a polar bear eat something but my lips are sealed.

A seal walks into Sea World and says whale whale whale what have we here.

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