Parrot Jokes
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?
A: A walkie-talkie.
Q: What figure describes a lost parrot?
A: A polygon!
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A: A bird that talks your ear off!
Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?
A: Send him to polytechnic!
Q: What do you call a parrot that doesn't eat?
A: A polynomeal (polynomial)
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: an animal that talks your head off.
Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a tiger?
A: I don't know, but when it talks you better listen carefully.
Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?
A: Beakaboo.
Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!
Q: What's smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee
Foul Mouthed Parrot
This guy inherits a parrot when his friend dies.
But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb f*ck, a c*nt, and a bunch of other names.
The guy tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing.
Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer.
Even from in there, he hears him cussing him out.
Then the parrot falls silent.
The guy thinks Ohh shit I killed him.
He opens the freezer.
The parrot hops out saying, " Very sorry for how I spoke to you, sir. I just have one question... What did the chicken do?"
Burglar
A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables.
He heard again, "Jesus is watching you." This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on a parrot.
He asked, "Did you say that?"
The parrot admitted that he had. "I'm just trying to warn you, is all."
The burglar sad, "Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you? What's your name?"
"Moses."
"Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"
The bird answered, "I don't know; I guess the same folks who would name a Rottweiler "Jesus'"........
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet parrot walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my parrot."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the parrot falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a parrot."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a parrot sitting next to him.
"Are you a parrot?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The parrot replied, "Well, I liked the book."
Front Seat
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a miniature parrot in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that parrot?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the parrot again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that parrot to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
Dispatch
The police dispatch picks up the phone and writes down the call for help:
"Please send someone urgent, a cat has broken in!"
The police dispatcher responded, "Sir, I don't think I heard you correctly? A cat at your home?"
"A cat! He has invaded my house and is walking towards me!
Again the police dispatch tried to correct him "But how so? You mean a thief?"
"NO! I'm talking about a freaking cat, the one that does 'meow, meow', and it's coming my way!.... You have to come now!"
"So what about this cat coming toward you?" the officer replies trying to grasp the situation
"He's going to kill me, now he's going mental! And you will be the reason I die"
"Who is talking?" the officer asks
The parrot, you jac**ss!
Pet Shop
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''
2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs
5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's
10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
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