Lion Jokes

Q: What's a lion running a copy machine called?
A: A copycat!

Q: What's the difference between Simba and O.J.?
A: One's an African lion the other a lyin African!

Q. Why did the lion loose at poker?
A. Because he was playing with a cheetah

Q: What do you call a lion with chicken pox?
A: A dotted lion.

Q: What do you call a lion who chases camels across the desert?
A: a chameleon.

Q: What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat?
A: A dandy lion

Q: What job does a lion do at a newspaper?
A: Run the lionotype machine!

Q: Why did the lions eat the preacher?
A: because he told them that they must put away their pride!

Q: Why are lions religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!

Q: Where does a lion sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!

Q: What does a lion do on a canoe?
A: Use his Roar

Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian ?
A: He felt funny !

Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food ?
A: 'Let us prey.'

Q: What do you get if you cross a lion with a watchdog ?
A: A terrified postman !

Q: What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ?
A: A tiger has the mane part missing

Q: What is lion's favorite food ?
A: Baked beings !

Q: How do you take a lion's temperature?
A: Very carefully!

Q: What do you get when you cross a lion and a snowman?
A: Frost-bite!

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field ?
A: 'Pleased to eat you.' !

Q: On which day do lions eat people ?
A: Chewsday !

Q: Why don't lions like fast food?
A: Because they can't catch it!

Q: Which scientist discovered the planet Leo 9?
A: Lioness Pawling.

Q: Would you rather have a tiger eat your or a lion?
A: I would rather have a tiger eat a lion.

Q: Why do lions always eat raw meat?
A: Because they don't know how to cook.

Q: How much does a lion trainer have to know?
A: More than the lion!

Q: Why did the lion trainer buy new clothes for working with his lions?
A: He wanted to take 'pride' in his appearence!

Q: What is a lions favorite cookie?
A: Chocolate Chimp.

Q: What do you call a cat with a lions roar?
A: Kitty Perry.

Q: What do you call a lion thats a talk show host?
A: Larry King of the Jungle.

Q: What's a lion's favorite soccer player?
A: Lion-el Messi

Q: What do you call a lion playing golf?
A: Roarin' Mcllroy

Q: What is a lions favorite state?
A: Maine

Q: What street do lions live on?
A: Mane St.

Q: Why didn't the lion eat the detective?
A: Because he was under cover.

Q: Why do lions always eat raw meat?
A: They can't cook?

Q: What animals do you need to make a square?
A: 4 Lions.

Q: Why did the lion spit out the clown?
A: Because he tasted funny.

How does a lion stop a video?
He presses paws (pause).

A lion would never cheat on his wife. But a Tiger Wood.

Are you from Narnia? 'coz you sure make my lion roar.

Don't tell me a funny lion joke or I'll puma pants.

Don't listen to him, he's lion.

Night of Drinking
A man and his pet ferret walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my ferret."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the ferret falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a ferret."

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a lion sitting next to him.
"Are you a lion?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The lion replied, "Well, I liked the book."

How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a girraffe in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the girraffe because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.

There's two guys running down the road yelling "Help! Help! A lions escaped"
A passerby said "Which way did it go?"
One of the guys says "You stupid idiot, you don't think we're chasing it do ya?"

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