Lamb Jokes

Q: Why did the lamb call the police?
A: He had been fleeced

Q: What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate?
A: A Candy Baa.

Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.

Q: What do you call a lamb with a machine gun?
A: A b-aa-aa-aa-d situation.

Q: What do you get if you cross a boa and a sheep?
A: A wrap-around sweater

Q: How do lamb greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!

Q: How do lamb in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: "Fleece Navidad!"

Q: How many lamb does it take to knit a sweater?
A: Don't be silly - lamb can't knit!

Q: What animal sounds like a lamb but isn't?
A: A baaaa-boon!

Q: What do you call a dancing lamb?
A: A baa-lerina!

Q: Where do lambs go when they die?
A: To the baa baa que.

Q: What do you call a lamb that is always quiet?
A: A shhhheep!

Q: What do you call a lamb with no legs?
A: A cloud.

Q: Where do lambs get together?
A: The meet market.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lamb and a porcupine?
A: An animal that can sew its own sweaters.

Q: Where did the lamb get a haircut?
A: The baa-baa shop!

Q: Where do lamb get their wool cut?
A: At the baa-baa shop!

Q: Where do lambs take a bath?
A: In a baaaa-th tub!

Q: What did the lamb want to do?
A: To wool the world.

Q: Why was the lamb arrested on the freeway?
A: Because she did a ewe-turn!

Q: Where do lambs go on vacation?
A: To the baaaaaahamas.

Q: Why couldn't the little lamb play outside?
A: It was being baaaaaaaad!

Q: What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
A: A Lamborghini

Q: What do you call a religious lamb?
A: a baaaa=ptist.

Q: What do you call lambs taking over France?
A: Baaaa-stile Day.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a goat and a lamb?
A: An animal that eats tin cans and gives back steel wool

Q: What is a sheep's favorite newspaper?
A: "The Wool Street Journal"

Sheep Herders
Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the engine fails and the plane begins to fall quickly to the ground.
"Quick! Grab a parachute and jump!," said the first herder
"What about the sheep?", said the second herder
"Fuck the sheep!" the first herder replied
"Do you think we have time?" asked the second herder

Tourist Coach
When a tourist coach passed through a small country town in Australia one of the passengers noticed a lamb tied to a lamppost on the corner in the main street.
"Oh that," said the guide, "that's the Recreation Centre"

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a lamb walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the lamb's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the lamb. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Pickup Truck

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of lambs. He pulls the guy over and says...
"You can't drive around with lambs in this town! Take them to the petting zoo immediately."
The guy says "OK"... and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of lambs, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands...
"I thought I told you to take these lambs to the petting zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies...
"I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Night of Drinking
A man and his pet lamb walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my lamb."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the lamb falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a lamb."

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a lamb sitting next to him.
"Are you a lamb?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The lamb replied, "Well, I liked the book."

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