Cougar Jokes
Q: What's a cougar running a copy machine called?
A: A copycat!
Q: Why did the cougar cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q: Where does a cougar sleep?
A: Anywhere he wants to!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cougar and a snowman?
A: Frost-bite!
Q: What does the cougar say to his friends before they go out hunting for food ?
A: 'Let us prey.'
Q: What do you get if you cross a cougar with a watchdog ?
A: A terrified postman !
Q: What's the difference between a cougar and a lion ?
A: A cougar has the mane part missing
Q: What is cougar's favorite food ?
A: Baked beings !
Q: On which day do cougar eat people ?
A: Chewsday !
Q: Why don't cougars like fast food?
A: Because they can't catch it!
Q: Why do cougars always eat raw meat?
A: Because they don't know how to cook.
I saw a cougar and I puma pants!
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cougar walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the cougar's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the cougar. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Pickup Truck
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of cougars. He pulls the guy over and says...
"You can't drive around with cougars in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says "OK"... and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of cougars, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands...
"I thought I told you to take these cougars to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies...
"I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet cougar walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my cougar."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the cougar falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a cougar."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cougar sitting next to him.
"Are you a cougar?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The cougar replied, "Well, I liked the book."
How do You?
A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"
The teacher said "I don't know, how?"
Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!"
Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a cougar in the fridge?"
The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"
Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."
Then he asked another question..."All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"
The teacher a bit confused and said "The lion?"
Then the student said "No,the cougar because he's still in the fridge."
then he asked her just one more question...."If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"
The teacher then says "You would walk over the bridge."
Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"
She laughs and walks away.