Bug Jokes

Q: How do bees brush their hair?
A: With a honey comb!

Q: "Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
A: "I think it's doing the backstroke!"

Q: How do bees get to school?
A: On the school buzz!

Q: Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress?
A: They got married in the spring

Q: How do fireflies start a race?
A: Ready, Set, Glow!

Q: Where do most ants live?
A: In Antlantic City!

Q: When do spiders go on their honeymoon?
A: After their 'webbing' day!

Q: How do fleas travel?
A: They itch-hike!

What do you call a bug that can't have too much sugar?
A: a diabeetle

Q: Why couldn't the butterfly go to the dance?
A: Because it was a moth ball!

Q: What did one flea say to another?
A: "Should we walk or take the dog?"

Q: What do you call the animated movie about a pet bug?
A: The Secret Life of Pests.

Q: What did one girl firefly say to the other?
A: You glow girl!

Q: What do moths study in school?
A: Mothematics!

Q: What do you do with a sick wasp?
A: Take it to a waspital!

Q: What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
A: Spitting the other half out

Q: What did the sushi say to the bee?
A: Wassabee!

Q: What do ants use to smell good?
A: Deodor-ant!

Q: What do you call a bug that jumps over cups?
A: A glasshopper!

Q: What was the spider doing on the computer?
A: Searching the web!

Q: What do you call a bug with four wheels and a trunk?
A: A Volkswagen Beetle!

Q: What do you call a wasp?
A: A wanna-bee!

Q: What do fireflies eat?
A: Light snacks!

Q: Why did the boy throw butter out the window?
A: To see butter fly.

Q: What do you get when you cross an insect and a rabbit?
A: Bugs Bunny!

Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married?
A: Newlywebs!

Q: What is a caterpillar scared of?
A: A dogerpillar!

Q: What is a mosquito's favorite sport?
A: Skin diving!

Q: What kind of bugs live in clocks?
A: Ticks!

Q: What kind of petroleum do snails use?
A: Shell!

Q: What's a caterpillar's favorite weapon?
A: A caterpolt!

Q: How do caterpillars order the lastest fashions?
A: Caterloges

Q: Why don't vampires like mosquitoes?
A: Too much competition!

Q: Where's the best place to buy bugs?
A: A flea market!

Q: What so you call a snail on a ship?
A: a Snailer

Q: What is a bugs favorite sport?
A: Cricket.

Q: Why don't people like bed bugs?
A: Because they get under their skin.

Q: What do you call a retired boy band that like bugs?
A: The Beatles!

Q: What do you call a beetle that can dance?
A: A jitterbug.

Q: Why did the bug cross the road?
A: Cause he wanted to see the "Lady bugs"

Q: How did the police get rid of the bugs?
A: They called the S.W.A.T. team!

Q: What did the psychiatrist say to the flower?
A: "So what's bugging you?"

Q: Why was the grocery store out of butter?
A: Because Butter flies.

Q: What kind of bug can't go into the men's bathroom?
A: A ladybug.

Q: What do you call a homeless bug?
A: A bum-blebee.

Q: Why was the fly looking for the garbage can?
A: Because he was a litterbug.

Q: How did the spider destroy the (worldwide) web?
A: It gave it a bug.

Q: Which is the strongest animal, snail or elephant.
A: Snail because ir carries it home on its back

If cockroaches can survive a nuclear blast....
What the hell is in Raid?

What do you call a cricket that takes pictures?
A shutterbug.

What kind of car does a bug drive?
A VW Beetle.

My pet tarantula escaped and everybody started bugging out.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

I felt so guilty after I stepped on that spider this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a group of grasshoppers walked up to him carrying the Bible on their backs.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book off the grasshoppers backs, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the grasshoppers. "Your name is written inside the cover."

A man hears a knock at his door he answers the door and when he looks at the floor he finds a snail.
The man says what the heck and he picks up the snail and throws it.
15 years later he hears a knock at his door he answers the door and the snail is back and says "What was that for?"

Nasty Little Boy

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a snail in the other.
"Now Listen here," the policeman said,
"Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"
"In that case," said the boy.
"I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a grasshopper sitting next to him.
"Are you a grasshopper?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The grasshopper replied, "Well, I liked the book."

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