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Halloween
Halloween Short Jokes
Vampire Short Jokes
Q: Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A: He was all bite and no bark.
Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A: At the casketeria.
Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A: A stake sandwich...
Q: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
A: They have bat breath...
Q: What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A: A guy with very high blood pressure...
Q: Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat.
A: Because of the coffin.
Q: What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel...
Q: Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A: He heard it had great circulation.
Q: What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving
Q: What happens when two vampires meet?
A: It was love at first bite!
Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet?
A: blood-thirsty hacker baby
Q: Why do vampires scare people?
A: They are bored to death!
Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
A: Every night he turns into a bat.
Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It's a pain in the neck.
Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
Q: What songs does Dracula hate?
A: "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.
Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.
Q: What is a vampires least favorite food?
A: Steak
Q: What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem.
Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A: He has a bat temper.
Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache.
Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A: Count Duckula
Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night.
Q: Who does Dracula get letters from?
A: His fang club.
Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.
Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.
Q: What type of dog does every vampire have?
A: Bloodhound!
Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.
Q: What's a Vampire's least favorite song?
A: Another one bites the dust!
Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A necktarine
Q: How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?
A: So long sucker!
Q: What did Dracula have for dessert?
A: Whine & Ice scream
Q: What is Dracula's favorite restaraunt?
A: Murder King
Q: Where do vampires keep their money?
A: The blood bank!!!
Q: What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes?
A: They suck!
Q: What is a vampire's favorite sport?
A: Casketball...
Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!
Ghost Short Jokes
Q: What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A: Ghoul-aid!!!
Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A: "Do you believe in people?"
Q: Why can't the boy ghost have babies?
A: Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A: Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
Q: What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
A: Fasten your sheet belts...
Q: What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
A: Ghoul
Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: Bamboo
Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A: For the Boos.
Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A: He is mist.
Q: What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A: A scareplane...
Q: Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat.
A: Because of the coffin.
Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he is always a goblin.
Q: What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A: Whipped scream.
Q: What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets?
A: Dead ends
Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A: Mas-scare-a.
Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?
A: At the ghost-ery store
Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?
A: At the ghost office
Q: What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
A: The roller ghoster
Q: Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A: Sherlock Moans.
Q: Where does a ghost refuel his porche?
A: At a ghastly station.
Q: Why do ghosts shiver and moan?
A: It's drafty under that sheet.
Q: What do ghosts eat for breakfast?
A: Boo-Berries.
Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A: Spookgetti
Q: What kind of gum do ghosts chew?
A: Boo Boo Gum.
Q: What is a ghosts favorite sale?
A: A white sale.
Q: What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A: A boo-tie.
Q: What's a ghosts favorite desert?
A: Boo-berry pie.
Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?
A: In the moaning.
Q: What do goblins mail home while on vacation?
A: Ghostcards
Q: What is a ghost's favorite party game?
A: Hide-and-go-shriek
Q: What kind of roads do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead Ends
Q: What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
A: Coffee with scream and sugar.
Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A: He didn't have a haunting license.
Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.
Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A: Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
Q: Where did the ghost get it's hair done?
A: At the boo-ty shop.
Q: Why can't Boy Ghosts make babies??
A: Because they have Hollow-Weenies!
Q: Where do ghosts go out?
A: Where they can get boooooo-ze.
Q: Where do ghosts go out?
A: Where they can get sheet-faced.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car?
A: Fasten your sheet belts.
Q: Why don't ghost have bands?
A: They get booooooooooed.
Q: Whats a ghost's favorate type of car?
A: A boo-ick
Q: Where do ghost go for fun?
A: To the boo-vies
Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin
Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?
A: In the moaning.
Q: What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
A: Coffee with scream and sugar.
Q: Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A: It raises their spirits.
Q: What do ghosts call there girl friends?
A: There goul friends.
Q: How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?
A: So long sucker!
Q: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
A: Boo boos
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare centers
Q: What is a ghost's favorite band?
A: The Boos Brothers
Q: What is a Ghost's favorite food?
A: HamBoogers
Q: What is in a ghost's nose?
A: Boogers
Q: What did tha boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
A: You are the most booooooooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!
Mummy Short Jokes
Q: What was the mummies' vacation like?
A: Nobody knows. They were too wrapped up to tell us.
Q: What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!!!!!
Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: Because he was all wound up.
Q: What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done?
A: Ok, that's a wrap.
Q: Why don't mummies take vacations?
A: They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?
A: To the dead sea
Q: What do you call a little monsters parents
A: mummy and deady
Q: How do you scare a mummy
A: with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.
Skeleton Short Jokes
Q: What do the skeletons say be for eating?
A: Bone appetite
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie?
A: He didn't have the guts.
Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone
Q: Why do skeletons drink milk?
A: To help their bones!
Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A: Sherlock Bones.
Q: What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A: Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To go to the body shop.
Q: What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
A: You suck.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A: He had no body to dance with.
Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A: Napoleon bone-apart
Q: Why did the skeleton go disco dancing?
A: to see the boogy man.
Q: What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A: Bad to the Bone
Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body!
Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: Bone appetit !
Q: What kind of key does a skeleton use?
A: A skeleton key.
Q: What instrument do skeleton play?
A: Trom-BONE.
Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts.
Q: What's a skeletons favorite part of the house?
A: the living room
Q: Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights?
A: He's all bone & no muscle.
Q: Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party?
A: Because he had no body to go with.
Q: Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
A: Because they don't have any body to go out with...
Werewolves Short Jokes
Q: Who are some of the were-wolves cousins?
A: The what-wolves and when-wolves.
Q: Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A: The whatwolves, the whowolves and the when wolves.
Q: Where do most werewolves live?
A: In howllywood, California
Witch Short Jokes
Q: What did the goblin say to the witch?
A: I don't know you tell me!
Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling
Q: What do u get when theres a witch in the desert?
A: You get a sandwich.
Q: What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween?
A: Can i have the keys to the broom tonight.
Q: Who was the most famous witch detective?
A: Warlock Holmes
Q: What do they teach in witching school?
A: Spelling.
Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle
Q: What do witches use in their hair?
A: Scare-spray
Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch.
Q: Why does a witch ride a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.
Q: What do you call a witch's garage?
A: A broom closet.
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broommates.
Miscellaneous Halloween Jokes
Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Q: What's a monster's favorite bean?
A: A human bean.
Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?
A: Over the ghoul line.
Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he is always a goblin.
Q: What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A: A toasty ghosty.
Q: What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A: Newlywebbed
Q: Where do most goblins live?
A: in North and South Scarolina.
Q: What do Italian's eat on Halloween?
A: Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)
Q: What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A: sour-puss
Q: What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a skwaush?
A: a squashed pumpkin pie.
Q: How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A: Give him screws.
Q: What can't you give the headless horseman?
A: A headache.
Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life.
Q: What's a monsters favorite desert?
A: I-Scream!!
Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend
Q: What's a monster's favorite play?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet
Q: Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it?
A: a coffin.
Q: Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street?
A: He was dying to get to the other side!!
Q: What did the corpse' mom do when her son was bad?
A: Ground him
Q: What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?
A: A cereal killer.
Q: What did the bird say on Halloween?
A: Trick or tweet!
Q: What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
A: Lemon-slime...
Q: What did the goblin say to the witch?
A: I don't know you tell me!
Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?
A: Over the ghoul line
Q: What is a monster's favorite food?
A: Ghoul scout cookies
Q: When do gholes cook their victims?
A: On Fry Day
Q: What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi
Q: Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?
A: A pumpkin patch!!!
Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they eat the fingers separately...
Q: What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
A: Shrinkenstein...
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