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Zombie Jokes


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Q: When do zombies go to sleep?
A: When they are dead tired.

Q: Why did the zombie ignore all his Facebook friends?
A: He was still DIGESTING all of his followers on Twitter!

Q: Did you hear about the big zombie party?
A: It was DEAD & full of STIFFS!

Q: Why did the zombie eat the archer?
A: He wanted his bone and marrow.

Q: Why did the zombie go to the dentist?
A: To improve his BITE!

Q: Where do zombies eat dinner?
A: The LIVING room!

Q: Why do zombies make good ringtones?
A: They produce lots of sound BITES!

Q: Why did the zombie go to the hospital?
A: He wanted to learn some SICK jokes!

Q: Did you hear about the vegan Zombie?
A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables!

Q: Why did "The Walking Dead" win an Emmy?
A: DEADication!

Q: How does a zombie introduce himself?
A: By saying "Pleased to eat you."

Q: What's a zombies favorite bean?
A: A human bean.

Q: Did you hear about the zombie comic book?
A: It's called YOLO and it's full of irony.

Q: Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
A: They just love a woman with BRAAAINS!

Q: What do all the Apple shareholder zombies keep telling Tim Cook?
A: We're DYING to have YOU for dinner!

Q: Did you hear about the new zombie dating book?
A: It's called "DYING To Meet You!"

Q: What do you call a zombie with lots of children?
A: A MOMster!

Q: What's a zombies favorite desert?
A: I-Scream!

Q: Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

Q: What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
A: Shrinkenstein...

Q: What does a zombie get when he's late for dinner?
A: The cold SHOULDER!

Q: What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?
A: LIFE Savers!

Q: What do you call a zombie pollster?
A: A DEAD ringer!

Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend

Q: Where do most zombies live?
A: On DEAD end streets!

Q: Who won World War Z?
A: Nobody, it was a DEAD tie!

Q: Why did the zombie stop teaching?
A: He crossed his PUPILs!

Q: What did the zombie say after he found his girlfriend cheating on him?
A: You're DEAD to me!

Q: What do you call a bee that never dies?
A: A zomBEE!

Q: What do zombies say before a fight?
A: Do you want a PIECE of me?

Q: Why did the zombie go crazy?
A: He had LOST his mind!

Q: How do zombies eat computers?
A: They use megaBITES!

Q: What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his Ass!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite shampoo?
A: Head & Shoulders!

Q: What kind of streets do zombies like best?
A: DEAD ends!

Q: Where do zombies go swimming?
A: The DEAD Sea!

Q: What does it take to become a zombie?
A: DEADication!

Q: What did the zombie order at the club?
A: A shot of To-KILL-Ya!, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser.

Q: What time do zombies wake up?
A: At ATE o'clock!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite Reality TV show?
A: "CHOMPING On The Stars!"

Q: Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
A: He had NO LEG to STAND ON!

Q: Why don't zombies eat comedians?
A: They taste FUNNY!

Q: What do vegetarian zombies crave?
A: GRAAAINS.....

Q: What do little zombies play?
A: CORPSES & Grave Robbers!

Q: What has a dog's head, a cat's tail & brains all over its face?
A: A zombie LEAVING the PET STORE!

Q: Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
A: He kept BUTTERING up his teacher!

Q: How do zombies tell their future?
A: With their HORRORscope!

Q: What do zombies like to eat at barbeques?
A: HALLOWEENies!

Q: What do you call zombies that can't run?
A: The Walking Dead

Q: What is a zombie's favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel

Q: Why did the Zombie read the New York Times?
A: He heard it had great circulation.

Q: What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
A: Mas-scare-a.

Q: Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
A: He had LOST his GUTS!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite football team?
A: The Washington DEADskins!

Q: How do zombies keep their hair in place?
A: With SCARE spray!

Q: What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman?
A: FrostBITE!

Q: What is a zombie's favorite mode of transportation?
A: SCAREplanes!

Q: What type of dogs do zombies like to eat?
A: BLOODhounds!

I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

"Warm Bodies" is the Wall-E of zombie movies.

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