Technology Jokes
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP
Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they don't C#.
What do you call a ride sharing app that serves breakfast?
Eggs Uber Easy.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?
Instagram.
What did the cat on the smart phone say?
Can you hear meow?
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
The Space bar!
What do you call a woman you married off the internet?
Wife-I.
How do you get a computer drunk?
A Screenshot of Tequila.
Why couldn't Bill Gates get a mistress?
Because he's penis was MICROSOFT!
What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
He enters Nerdvana.
Why did Mark Zuckerberg visit Beijing, China?
To see the "Great Firewall".
Why are PCs like air conditioners?
They stop working properly if you open Windows!
What was the hipster doing at the computer?
Looking in the recycling bin for something retro.
Why was the computer tired when it got home?
It had a "hard drive"
Why do they call it the PS4?
Because there are only 4 games worth playing!
What do you call a country with slow internet speeds?
America Online.
What does an Instagram model eat?
Dick Picza.
Why did the computer go to the dentist?
Because it had Bluetooth.
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous
What did the turkey say to the computer?
Google, google, google!
How do trees use a computer?
They log in!
What happens when you lose a nintendo game?
You ask for a wii-match.
Whats 10 Blocks Long and has never had sex?
The line for the new Call of Duty game.
What's the difference between an Linux and a virus?
A virus does something.
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iPhones overheating?
Downloading images of Jen Selter's booty!
What do you call the space inbetween Pamela Anderson's breasts?
Silicon Valley.
Why did Jack and Jill "really" go up the hill?
To get better Wi-fi.
What do you call 18-year olds using dating apps?
Tinder Tots.
Why did the powerpoint maker cross the road?
To get to the other slide!
Did you know the Apple store now serves food?
With your Big Mac you can get a side of Wi-fries.
What did the robot say to the dead robot?
Rust-in-peace
What kind of party does a laptop go to?
A CISCO party.
How do you know you are using Linux?
Your computer only has 4 modes: Abort, Retry, Fail and Reboot!
Person1: Aren't we all internet explorers?
Person2: You mean we run slow and no one likes us.
Somebody stole my new Microsoft Office last week and they are going to pay!
You have my Word!
"When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot......that way people visit more often."
Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?
Mario is Red. Sonic is blue. Press start to join and be my player 2.
A girlfriend is supposed to be, radio button programmed to dicks. If, she is list box programmed to dicks, she is a hoe.
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
If your computer is slow paint a Jamaican flag on it and it will run faster.
So are you the Netflix and Chill type of girl or Amazon Prime and Commitment.
I heard the guy who created Minecraft is top-notch.
I mustache you a question, can eyebrows your computer?
Al Gore did not invent the Internet. But he did calculate the Algorerithmn for it.
Melisandre is the reason I don't use Tinder.
I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don't have Windows.
Don't be racist, be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, created by Japanese people, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican.
"Do you like computers?" (yes.) "Do you like file sharing?" (yes) "Good, 'cause I'm downloadable and user friendly!"
So this person went to the doctor and told the doctor he had an addiction to twitter and the doctor said well I am not following.
Macs are for those who don't want to know why their computer works.
Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works.
DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Windows is for those who don't want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Wikepedia: I know everything
Facebook: I know everyone
Google: I have everything
Internet: You would be nothing without me
Electricity: Keep talking bitches!