Tanning Jokes
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
Because he was a pale-ontologist.
What did the pig say while she was tanning?
I'm bacon!
What is the best day to get a tan on the beach?
Sunday, of course!
Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Did you hear about the tanning Olympics?
Everbody tried to get bronzed.
What do you call a Chinese man on the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?
Where do people on the upper east side go to get some sun?
Manhat-tan.
Did you hear about the witch who went to beach?
She frigh-tanned everyone.
What kind of pilgrims go to the beach?
Puritan.
Who loves the sun the most in the Middle East?
The Sul-tan of Brunei.
What is a woman's least favorite summer dance?
Tango (tan-go)
Why did the cheerleader put extra salt on her skin instead of tanning lotion?
She wanted to do summer salts.
I just turned my brightness all the way up on the iPhone & got a nice little tan.
Fake tan. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Fake hair. Tell us again how you want a real man.
There is a fine line between a tan and looking like you rolled around in a bag of doritos.
I competed in the sun-tanning Olympics, but all I did was get bronze.
Yo momma so fat, she uses the entire country of Mexico as a tanning bed.
People think that Donald Trump has crossed over to the dark side. But in reality he just fell asleep in the tanning bed.
In a thousand years people will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment. -Olivia Wilde
Nude Tanning
A guy was out on his deck tanning and he was completely nude and he burnt his dick.
He asked his friend what to do and he said to put it in a glass of milk and it'll feel better.
His blond girlfriend walks in while he was doing that and said "Is that how you guys refill?"
Sunbathing
A rather well proportioned young lady,
spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of
the hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the
first day but, on the second, being a naturist,
she decided that no one could see her way up there, &
she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she
heard someone running up the stairs.
She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled
a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss,"
said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel,
out of breath from running up the stairs.
"The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof
but we would very much appreciate you wearing a
bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it
make," Joan asked rather calmly.
"No one can see me up here, & besides, I'm
covered with a towel."
"Not exactly,"
said the embarrassed little man.
"You're lying on the dining room skylight."