Shoe Jokes


I bought shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

If the shoe fits.....buy it in every color.

What happens when you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you rise and shine.

What do you call a shoe that looks like a banana?
A slipper.

What shoes do secret agents wear?
Sneakers.

How do jocks spike the punch?
With their cleats.

How do you know your a dedicated runner?
When your shoes have more miles on them than your car.

What do you call a race horse with only 2 legs?
Goody two-shoes.

How do you know it's time to buy new shoes?
When you stand on a penny and can tell if it's heads or tails.

Why do women have smaller shoes than men?
So they can stand closer to the sink.

What do you call a woman who can make shoes disappear?
The Great Shoe-dini.

How do Germans tie their shoes?
With little knotsies.

What's the hardest thing about a man shopping for designer shoes?
Telling your parents that your gay!

What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?
I'm stuck on you!

If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
Slippers.

What do you call a dinosaur with high heels?
My-feet-are-saurus.

What do you call a woman who gives blowjobs for Jimmy Choos?
Head Over Heels

What does a woman sing after you dump her?
"These Boots Are Made For Stalking....."

Who is the Spanish patron saint of shoes?
San Dalia.

What do running shoes do when they forget something?
They jog their memory.

What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
Their heels.

Why don't cartography students wear high heels?
They prefer map flats.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

A woman shopping for shoes does better research than the FBI.

In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels".

Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Never tell a woman she can't pur-shoe her dreams.

I've got a nasty, three pack-a-day habit. I'm talking about Odor Eaters!

God invented high-heels so women could put dishes away on the top shelf.

When did clear heels become the new whore uniform? When did that happen? -Chris Rock

"To raise money for charity, Paris Hilton was photographed recently wearing nothing but high heels. When asked about it, Paris said, 'Since it was for a good cause I decided to put on high heels.'"

Two Hunters
Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.
One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of Running shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!"

To this the hunter said, "I know, all I have to do is outrun you!"

Running Shoes

Deciding to take up jogging, the man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk: "What is this little pocket thing here on the side for?"
And the clerk: "Oh, that's to carry your cell phone so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."

Three Women
Three women -- one engaged, one married and one a mistress --- are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men.
All three buy black leather bras " stiletto heels, and masks for their eyes.
After a few days, they meet over lunch to compare notes. The engaged women says: The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me in the black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He said, "you are the woman of my life. I love you". Then we made love all night long.
The mistress says: I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word -- but we had wild sex all night.
The married woman says: I sent the kids to my mother's house all excited about having alone time with my husband. Had the lights dim, candles going, I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos heels and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came to the door and saw me and said,"What's for dinner, BATMAN?

Shiny Shoes
A guy buys a new pair of mirror like shiny silver metallic shoes and is so happy he goes dancing at the club.
To impress the women he bets them that he can tell em their favorite color.
As hes dancing with the first woman, he astonishes her when he tells her that her favorite color is blue.
He dances with the 2nd woman and surprises her by telling her that her favorite color is red.
When he gets to the 3rd woman, he seems a bit perplexed as hes stares down at his shoes.
He looks up and asks her if she is wearing any panties and she says "No, why?"
and he says...."Oh good, I thought I had a crack in my new shoes."

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