Personal Trainer Jokes
Did you hear about the weightlifting vegetable?
He was a muscle sprout.
What does a bodybuilder do for cardio?
He lifts weights faster.
What do you call terrorist that's ripped?
Osama Bin Liftin.
I don't always take a rest day but when I do,
It's to give the weights a day off.
Why did the blonde get a perm?
Because her trainer said curls might help.
What does leg day and sex have in common?
When done right you can't walk for days.
Why couldn't the personal trainer get evicted?
Because he was squatting.
What happened when the personal trainer brought a lion to the gym?
His clients got ripped to shreds.
I asked a personal trainer "Do you need to eat eggs to get jacked?"
He said "No Whey!"
Why do hamburgers go to the gym?
To get better buns.
What does a personal trainer think before he shows a client how to do deadlifts?
Don't Fart....Don't Fart.....
Why did the fish stop lifting weights?
He pulled a mussel.
Why did the personal trainer grab a new shirt?
Someone told him he was ripped.
How do you get revenge on your ex-boyfriend?
Do some squats and make him wish he still had dat ass.
Why do oysters go to the gym?
It's good for the mussel.
Don't Cha wish your girlfriend could squat like me!
I got 99 problems because that's how many muscles are sore.
My average leg day is doing diddly squat.
Someone call CSI, I just killed my workout.
That moment you realize the squats are paying off.
I could bench press your boyfriend.
That day when you no longer have to photoshop your gains.
If lifting was easy, it would be called "Your Mom".
Mr. T doesn't lift weights because it infers that he has limits to his strength.
"I'm gonna lose weight. I'm gonna lift and exercise everyday. I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it." ....... "Is that cake?"
A man in his sixties asks the trainer at the gym:
What machine should I use to impress a 30 year old girl?
The personal trainer looks at him and says ... "I recommend the ATM."
Pounds of Dynamite
A personal trainer barges into a gym feeling all pumped up to bang a client.
He is confronted with this sexy bimbo who falls head over heals for him.
The guy shows off his muscles and winks at this girl, she responds with A flying kiss of her own.
This continues for a while when finally the girl invites this dude to sleep with her at her place.
He accepts gleefully.
In the room
The girl is lying on the bed and the hunk starts to strip off.
He takes off his shirt pointing towards his biceps, says
"Look at them, these are one thousand pounds of dynamite"
The girl gets blown away at this sight.
Next goes off his pants and the focus is on his thighs, saying
"Look at them, these are one thousand pounds of dynamite"
Now she's starting to get wet and all ready for the trailor to ride home as the only thing left are the underpants.
Muscle maniac pulls out the jack pot and lets loose of his jumbo.
On sight of his dick the girl,
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh........... Get away from me" runs away.
The guy eventually catches up and asks
"What the hell happened?"
Girl "Danger! Danger! I had to go, I was scared"
Guy "What do you mean?"
Girl "With two thousand pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse I thought you were about to explode"
Television Commercial
An overweight man sees an ad on his TV, for a guaranteed 5 lb. a week weight loss program.
He decides, "what the hell", and calls and purchases it.
A week later a beautiful woman shows up at his door wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes, a smile, and a sign around her neck which read, "if you can catch me you can have me", and she started running. He followed. This continued everyday for that week, guaranteed, he lost five lbs.
After that, the man saw an ad for a 7 lb. a week weight loss program, which he signs up for.
The next day, an even more beatiful woman shows up at his door in similar conditions, and she started running.
But this time, he almost caught her.
But, guaranteed, he lost 7 lbs. that week.
He then signs up for the MAXPRO 10 lb. a week program.
The next day, a 300 lb. muscle man shows up at his door wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erectiona and a sign around his neck which read, "If I can catch you, I can have you."
The man lost 17 lbs. that week