Painter Jokes
Q: Why did Van Gogh become a painter?
A: Because he didn't have an ear for music.
Q: Did you hear about the artist who died?
A: Too many strokes.
Q: Where does a cow hang his paintings?
A: In a mooooseum.
Q: Did you here about the attempt robbery at the museum?
A: They had ran out of gas a few blocks away when the police caught them, and they said, "We didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh"
Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya.
Q: Did you hear about the artist who paints in jail?
A: He had a brush with the law.
Q: What did Michelangelo say to the ceiling?
A: I got you covered.
Q: Why did the painter butter his toast with his fingers?
A: To feel its texture.
Q: What do you call a mixed media artist without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: How does Salvador Dali start his mornings?
A: With a bowl of "Surreal"
Did you hear about the guy who stole all those paintings?
He tried to brush it off, but I think he was framed.
Q: What did the artist say to the rival?
A: I Challenge you a doodle!
Q: Why did the artist get into an argument with the curator at the art gallery?
A: He wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Q: What do you call a painting by a cat?
A: A paw-trait.
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Q: Did you hear about the painters messy house?
A: It was "a work-in-progress....."
Q. Which painting is never happy?
A. The Moaning Lisa
Q: What does a pirate steal in his spare time?
A: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.
Q: Why can't Frank Gore get into his own driveway?
A: Someone painted an endzone on it.
Q: What does a painter sing when he's in Dire Straits?
A: "Monet for Nothing".
Q: What is the theme song to the film Louvre Actually?
A: Celine Dions "My art will go on"
Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
Q: Why was the painting arrested?
A: Because it was framed.
Q: Why do artistic wives love football season?
A: Because their husbands sit on the sofa long enough for them to be sketched.
Q: What's the main difference between an electrician and a painter?
A: An electrician washes his hands AFTER he has gone potty, but a painter washes his hands BEFORE he goes potty.
Q: What is the definition of disgusting?
A: Seeing a painter bite his nails.
Q: What do you call someone hanging on a wall?
A: Art.
Q: Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
A: Because from a distance they looked like hares!
Well if I were a painter, I'd put you down in paint. I'd hang you by the Mona Lisa and put that girl to shame.
Mo Monet.....More Problems.
If it aint Baroque, then don't fix it.
The Earth without art is just Eh.
Lark Voorhies was halfway done with her portrait when she ran out of paint.
She opened her drawer and was "Saved By The Pastels".
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Monet!
Monet who?
Monet doesn't grow on trees.
Custer's Last Stand
An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist.
Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said,
"I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that
went through Custer's mind before he died.
I am going out of town on business for a week and when I return I expect to see it completed."
Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work.
To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo.
Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.
Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire.
"Why that's exactly what you asked for" said the artist smugly.
"No, I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts"
"And there you have it" said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all those f**king Indians'
That's Ugly
A gentleman visits a museum. Suddenly he stops and says to the guide:
Ah, it's ugly!
I beg your pardon that's a Picasso, the guide answers.
Further on, he exclaims again:
Ah, it's really ugly!
"That sir, it's a mirror!"
Adam and Eve
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."
Painting Company
An owner of a painting company needs to hirer a painter for a job he is doing. So he goes down to unemplyoment to hire a painter. They tell him they don�t have any - the only person they have is at the moment is a gynecologist. He says that won�t do, he needs a painter. They tell him they are sorry. He really needs an extra set of hands so he decides to take the gynecologist.
Two weeks later he returns asking for the gynecologist. They tell him that he has found employment and is no longer with them and that they now have painters looking for work. The owner of the painting company tells them that he really needs the gynecologist. They ask him why?
He tells them that two weeks earlier he took the gynecologist down to the job site and the front door was locked - he had no key. That guy painted the entire house through the keyhole!
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