Nursing One Liners Jokes

What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
"Some asshole has my pen!"

What do you call a duck in a clinic?
Nurse Quacktioner.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?
Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility?
She's the one with dirty knees.

How do you save a doctor from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.

What 's the difference between a nurse and a nun?
A nun only serves one God.

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