Mall Jokes
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?
At the Darth Maul, of course.
What do you call people who sell work clothes at the mall?
Gangs of New York and Company.
What do you call an orange that takes over the world?
Orange Julius Caesar.
Why don't kittens like going to the mall?
They prefer a cat-alogue.
What kind of bird likes to go shopping?
A Pottery Barn Owl.
Did you know the mall has a baseball team?
It's called "The Bad News Build a Bears"
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card?
Go on a shopping brie.
Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
Because they are all Targets!
What happens when a judge gets something to eat at the mall?
He places an "Order in the food court"
Where do horses shop?
Old Neigh-vy!
Have you read the book about the mall?
Its called "20,000 Leagues Under the Sears".
What was the horse looking for at the mall?
A Macintosh.
What do you call a mall security guard with a military background?
A Navy Wet Seal.
Why don't guys like to go the mall?
Because its "No Country for Old Navy Men"
Why did Michael Jackson go shopping at the mall?
He heard boys underwear was half off.
Where do dogs go after their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Where do you find magical gifts at the mall?
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Brookstone.
How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday?
He Jingles All The Way.
How can you afford a middle class lifestyle on $10/hour (average pay at Walmart)?
By shopping at Walmart!
What does a ghost do when he's hungry?
Go ghost-ry shopping.
Why do golfers have to buy two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.
I always get really frustrated trying to put clothes in my wardrobe.
Think I could do with some Hanger Management.
Where can you find a childrens book about suits?
Brooks Brothers Grimm.
Where can you find overpriced junk?
Pier One Hundred Dollar Bills.
Gap has announced plans to open its first retail stores in India and China.
Tags on clothes and stickers on items will read, "Made Here."
Knock Knock
Who's There?
A mall!
A mall who?
A mall shook up!
I've never understood the fashion industry, those people are so clothes minded.
If the shoe fits.....buy it in every color.
Black Friday is a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year.
Small Business
A small business owner was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS PERIOD.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES GUARANTEED.
The small business owner panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.
Texan
A Texan was visiting Times Square, and was lost. He stopped a student and asked, "Do you know where the Manhattan Mall is at?"
"I sure do," replied the student, "But, you know, you're not supposed to end sentences with prepositions."
"What?"
"Prepositions. You ended your sentence with an 'at', which you aren't supposed to do."
"Oh, ok," said the Texan, "Do you know where the Manhattan Mall is at, a$$hole?"