Fortune Teller Jokes
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller.
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large!
Where do fortune tellers dance?
At the crystal ball.
Why couldn't the fortune teller have children?
Her husband had crystal balls.
What do you call a yak fortune teller?
Zodi-yak.
Why can't gypsies have babies?
Because they have crystal balls.
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
"I want to tell you your fortune." Take her hand and write your phone number on it. "There's your future."
A gentleman knocks on the door of a fortune teller:
Knock! Knock!
Who is there, asks the clairvoyant?
Disappointed, the man goes away...
Psychic Hotline
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says his advisor, "in her biology class."
Palm Reader
Went to see a Palm Reader. I asked her how she was able read my palm. She replied "By observing the lines and wrinkles on the palm of your hand I can accurately predict your future and tell you about inner yourself".
I unzipped my pants and laid my balls on her table.
We honeymooned in Vegas the next weekend.
Two Men
Alice goes to see a fortune teller, who tells her "Two men are madly in love with me!"
Alice asks "Who will be the lucky one?"
The fortune teller answers "Michael will marry you, and Shaun will be the lucky one."
Blonde
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde go to a carnival and spot a fortune teller.
Above the entrance it says "Will only work if you tell the truth"
The girls walk in the brunette go's first and says "I think I am the prettiest girl on earth" POOF shes gone.
The redhead walks up and says "I think I am the smartest girl on earth" POOF shes gone.
The blonde go's up next with an idea of what to do and says "I think..." POOF shes gone.